In the midst of the tiny house phenomena, Suzi Siegel became fascinated with what was going on in her own town of Queens NY. She discovered a plethora of tiny things – including NYPD’s smallest bomb-sniffing police dog, the shortest first name and an itsy-bitsy topless bar. More importantly, Suzi discovered a whole new way to see the world. Suzi Siegel is joining Annmarie Kelly at the Friday Happy Hour to talk about what she learned from Tiny New York, i). There are plenty of books about New York City. But there has never been a book about the smallest things in the biggest city. Get her book on Amazon.
Suzi Siegel is a former investigative report and travel writer. And, for part of her career, worked with the Philadelphia police force.
Listen to “Discover a new perspective with Tiny New York author Suzie Siegel” on Spreaker.
Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST.
You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to!
- In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
- Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
- On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio
- And you can call-in: 610-701-9243
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Happy Hour Radio is now available as a podcast on youtube! Catch up on past episodes & don’t forget to subscribe! Victory Chicks Radio Podcast.
#AnnmarieKelly, #VictoryChicksRadio, #FridayHappyHour, #VictoriousWoman
I hope you tuned in today with my and my guest, Donna Serdula. Donna talked about LinkedIn, how to use it more effectively and how to give yourself a LinkedIn makeover. She was fun and had some great tips!! If you want more tips from Donna, go here: LinkedInMakeover.
And thanks to Pam Mariani, author and avid Facebook user. Pam came to Happy Hour for some Chick Chat about what she does with her social media, both for business and pleasure.
Also, in my monologue, I mentioned several articles about midlife makeovers and research about companies wanting older workers.
Can You Retire Early (Forbes)
MidLife Career MakeOver (USA Today)
Snowbirds (NY Times)
Finally, this month’s Victorious Woman focus is on midelife makeovers. Check out the connect page for the Top Ten Tips for Making the Most of Your Mid-Life Makeover
Thanks for joining me, Donna and Pam at this week’s Friday Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly on WCHE 1520am!
First, Get Unstuck
I know. It’s easier said than done. But it IS doable.
Here’s the thing…for as long as you are feeling stuck, it’s like stepping on gum in the street, driving through the construction or getting that last minute work project. You know how that is…you step on gum, it trips you up, and then it’s on the bottom of your shoe, sticking to everything. It stays there until you do something to take it off. Or you’re trying to get home or to a meeting and someone hands you a folder and says that it has to be finish…now. And you can’t leave. You’re stuck…and you’re ticked off.
How do you get unstuck?
First, figure out where you are stuck…in your job, a relationship, the past, your comfort zone. Then begin to figure out what you need to do to unravel the situation. Start by asking questions…and look for honest answers. What is it about:
- Your job? The boss or co-workers or the travel or the work itself?
- The relationship? Is it unfulfilling, boring, abusive…or just plain dead?
- The past? If you can’t let it go, get some professional help or work with radical forgiveness.
- Your comfort zone? Start saying ‘yes’ whenever someone asks you to do something new…or even just outside your comfort zone. Read Lu Ann Cahn’s book, I Dare Me, about her year of “firsts”
You can’t get unstuck unless you figure it out. You can’t be in control of your life unless you are free to move forward toward your wants and desires…the MORE that will make you happy.
Melissa Dribben, health and science columnist for The Philadelphia Inquirer, joined me for Happy Hour to talk about age and aging. You know, some people say age is just a number but not everyone feels that way. Certain ages hit you in different ways. That’s what was on Melissa Dribben’s mind last year as she was approaching her 60th birthday. So today, thanks to Melissa’s own special brand of reality humor, we talked about how that frightens and annoys a lot of us…and how, sometimes, getting older has perks of its own. Here’s the article Melissa wrote about turning 60: OLDER
In my monologue, I talked about the crazed man who killed seven people in Santa Barbara last week. I referenced two twitter feeds:
- Some of it’s a little shocking, but it’s worth at least a quick look
- Also, there was this other article by Phil Plait: Slate
I also talked about the work of Jean Kilbourne. Once you take a look at what she exposes, even just what she has on her site, you won’t look at advertisements the same way again. JeanKilbourneVideo
Hope you can join me next week, from 3-4pm, at the Friday Happy Hour.
Live and local: 1520AM
Live and Online: www.WCHE1520.com
While most women like to think they can do it all without asking for help, it just isn’t the case for any of us. Whether it’s moral support, education, mentoring or literal, physical help, you need to get help. Here’s how:
- LIST what you need help with
- FIND at least 5-10 people you think can help you in those areas.
- TALK to each person. Have a respectful conversation about where you are, what you’re doing and what you need.
- ASK for their help. This is often the most difficult part of the process. Women often hate asking, often for fear the request will be turned down. When you ask, be specific about what you need and for how long you need it. If you can make the arrangement something short-term, or at least give an end-date, that will make it easier for the other person to accept.
- DON”T be discouraged if someone says ‘no’ because ‘no’ a good answer. It’s better to know right now if someone can’t or isn’t willing to help you. Then you can quickly find someone else.
- HELP THEM. If the person says ‘yes’ to you, then find out how you can help them. Nobody drives on a one-way street for long. If all you want is someone’s help without a willingness to return the favor, then you are looking for a paid employee. Get one of those – it’s better to pay than to be known as a user or taker.
Getting help, whatever kind it is, will help you get where you want to go faster and more easily. If you can find someone who will go with you on a two-way street (give and take), it will work for everyone. You get what you need. The other person(s) feel respected for what they are doing. It’s a win-win!
There’s an old adage: If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you already got. It sounds good and makes sense; that’s what makes any adage both important and memorable. But while the adage is easy to talk about, it involves taking risks…and that can be risky.
Why risky? By definition, taking a risk means that you could be facing danger, failure or loss. Risk usually involves stepping into unknown situations, challenging your personal status quo, losing something that you value (personal comfort, security of job, finances, relationships), and more. But without risk, your changes are limited to what life throws at you.
The most common risks include asking for a date, choosing a college, taking a new job, getting married, buying a house, leaving one job for another, and getting a divorce. You can probably think of a dozen more “everyday” risks…including crossing the street and getting on an airplane.
You take risk everyday but sometimes the risks are more out of your comfort zone and feel a little scarier. Sometimes, because of the scope of the risk, you say ‘no’ to it and toss it aside without consideration. And, sometimes when you do that, you lose big. Hindsight is always 20-20.
If you want to make the best decisions, and have fewer regrets, the most logical thing is to learn how to take calculated risks. Once you calculate the “price” of a risk, you can make a better decision. Here’s a three-step guide for how to become a calculated risk-taker:
- Think it through. Think of all the pros and cons. Will the pros make you happier, better, more prosperous, healthier? What will you do if any of the cons happen? Take the pros and cons out to 5 or 10 years in the future. For example,
- “What happens if I take this job and I don’t like the travel?
- “If I continue this relationship, how will I feel about those jealous feelings down the road…will I feel smothered?”
- Set Goals. Based on the pros and cons as well as you and the people involved, are these doable goals or pie in the sky? Use a real estate investment as an example. You see a house in a so-so part of town but there is a lot of positive activity going on there.
- Your Goal: To make a 20% profit in seven years. To calculate your risks, ask:
- How much will it cost to move into this house?
- Do I need to fix it up? How much will that cost?
- Based on the current and past market (not a “maybe” prediction), how much will this property increase in value by the time I want to sell it?
- Analyze: Look at the numbers. Go back to Step#1 and ask the questions. Is it still look like a good investment?
- Take responsibility. Nobody is in charge of your life but you. Whatever decision you make, are you willing to take full responsibility for it – no matter how it turns out? And, if it doesn’t work out, will you want to blame, be angry at or feel resentful of someone else
Not every risk is going to work out; life happens. However, if you take calculated risks, you have a better than 50-50 shot that most of them will. If you take risks, life is going to give you ups and downs. If you never take a risk, life is going to give you ups and downs just the same.
What would you prefer – the risk that life throws your way and you have to deal with whether you like it or not, or the risk that you figure out and work through most of the bumps in advance with the idea attitude that you have a good shot at winning?
Victory Stretches are a bit easy when you assess effectively and choose calculated risks.
Did you ever think that you cheated yourself out of great conversations or important information because you focused on the wrong things? Bet you have – bet you realized it later while replaying the conversation in your head. “Why did I say that?” or “why didn’t I ask about that?” That’s when you realize that you cheated yourself by not asking powerful questions.
If you’re like most people, giving answers and making statements is part of how you interact with others. It’s probably what you think about most when getting ready for a meeting or social event. Specifically, what you’re going to say to the people you’ll see. Sometimes you do it because you want to seem interesting to other people. Other times it’s because you want them to think you’re smart or good at what you do.
If you want better outcomes or make stronger connections, try focusing on asking powerful questions.
What’s a powerful question? It seems a little intimidating, doesn’t it. Well, think of some of the more common and very powerful questions that can change lives:
- What do I want to do with the rest of my life?
- Will you marry me?
- Do you want this job?
- Should I move?
They aren’t very intelligently worded, just common questions. However, the answers to these are crucial but wouldn’t even come up if there was a questioned asked first. That’s what makes them powerful.
Questioning Crusader Dorothy Leeds says that “if you increase and improve your questions by just 10%, you increase and improve your productivity by over 20%.” She also says that instead of thinking about what you should say, she encourages you to think, “what should I ask” and then listen for the inside answer….and use it. One of Dorothy’s favorite questions, and a perfect Victorious Woman question, is “What would an extraordinary person do in this situation?”
Here are some other examples of powerful questions that you could practice asking today:
- What will happen to me if I stay in this job?
- What will happen to me if I stay in the relationship?
- What will happen to me if I don’t change this behavior?
- What can I say to change his/her mind?
- What do you mean by that?
- I don’t think I understand what you mean. Can you clarify what you just said?
- How did you come to that conclusion?
- Can you give me a specific example?
- What sources did you use to develop that topic?
- What ideas influenced your choices/your opinons?
- Did I answer your question?
- Outline for me the steps I need to take.
Write these questions down and keep them with you. Practice asking two of these questions every day for 30 days. Notice and keep track of what happens personally and professionally!
Why do you want to stretch out of your comfort zone? It’s a lot of effort. What will you get out of it?
Write down every good thing that will result from that victory stretch. Here are some examples:
- I am glad I can take care of myself/myself and my family.
- I can stop feeling like I’m less than others.
- Doing what I love brings me joy.
- I always wanted to do this, and now I am, so I feel fulfilled.
- Nothing’s going to stop me now!
- If I can do this, I can do anything.
Knowing the WII-FM (what’s in it for me) is as important as knowing your challenges. There will be days when you’ll feel like giving up, when it will be easier to quit than to keep going or face your fears or anything else.
That’s when you take out the WII-FM list and read it. The list will remind you of the “MORE” that you want, the desired “BETTER” that got you started at the beginning…and that, if you stop now, you’ll never get.
So start the list with at least five WII-FMs. Then, each time you think of something else, add it to the list. The longer you make the list, the stronger your resolve will be to stick.
Write down all the “good stuff” and keep writing!
I know – I know. You want to be positive and focus on your strengths. But ignoring your weak spots is one fast way to sabotage your efforts. To avoid that, here’s what to do:
1 – Think about what you do well. Make a list.
2 – Now think about what you don’t do well.
Are you terrible at details? Do you have trouble standing up for yourself? Are you uncomfortable telling others about your accomplishments? Do you need more education? Are you short on money?
3 – Make another list and study it. How can you those challenges?
Can someone help you with the detail work? Is there a night school course in assertiveness training – and can your friends practice with you? Is there a class or a mentor who can teach you what you don’t know?
Facing and eliminating or mitigating the challenges that you already know can easily get in your way will free you up to (1) focus on what you do best and (2) enable you to have the energy to handle the unknown challenges that will come up along the way.
Think of it this way: When there’s a pile of stuff mucking up your victory path, pretending it doesn’t exist will only make it stink more with each passing day. You have to find a way to clean it up, clear the path and keep moving forward.
If victory, and its resulting success, was easy, more people would be doing it – and they aren’t. Don’t be like them. Instead, embrace the victory process.
Victory is about stretching out of your comfort zones. It isn’t easy, but once out, you never go back.
Successes come and go, but victory lasts forever.