In the midst of the tiny house phenomena, Suzi Siegel became fascinated with what was going on in her own town of Queens NY. She discovered a plethora of tiny things – including NYPD’s smallest bomb-sniffing police dog, the shortest first name and an itsy-bitsy topless bar. More importantly, Suzi discovered a whole new way to see the world. Suzi Siegel is joining Annmarie Kelly at the Friday Happy Hour to talk about what she learned from Tiny New York, i). There are plenty of books about New York City. But there has never been a book about the smallest things in the biggest city. Get her book on Amazon.
Suzi Siegel is a former investigative report and travel writer. And, for part of her career, worked with the Philadelphia police force.
Listen to “Discover a new perspective with Tiny New York author Suzie Siegel” on Spreaker.
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Take a five minute laugh break every day
Whether it’s laughing at a TV show, a book, your kids or some silly memory, find something to laugh about and take the time to do it. Here’s why those FIVE MINUTES are important:
- Bumped up endorphins (the happy hormones)
- Increased dopamine (the chemical that affects your emotion and sense of pleasure and pain – the more you have the better you feel)
- Increased Relaxation
- Improved ability to deal with stress
- Increased creativity
- Improved ability to solve problems
- Enhanced memory (you won’t forget to get that thing you need for dinner)
That’s not all…but isn’t that enough? Five minutes is all you need right now – and you get a lot of bang for those five minutes.
Yes, I know you are busy. And, YES, you DO have FIVE MINUTES. You can find five minutes, even if it’s in your car and before you get out to go shopping or after you get in after shopping.
And, because you’ll forget, write “5 minutes” on a sticky and put it where you will see it.
See more tips for Happier Holidays
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Are You Visible or Living “Under the Radar”
Women are responsible for 85% of all consumer purchases. Women over 50 control 75% of the wealth in the US. You’re very visible to people who want to sell you things.
Yet only 17% are top wage earners. Even worse, after a divorce, a woman’s lifestyle decreases by 40%.
Clearly there’s a disconnect. You can blame a glass or cement ceiling all you want. But very often, it’s self-sabotage. You let yourself be invisible to the people who should be noticing. They don’t notice because you aren’t doing the things that make the people who matter pay attention.
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s hard to get attention from anyone – especially your boss or your kids – unless you make a little noise. The old adage stands: the squeaky wheel gets the grease. You don’t have to be obnoxious about it, but you do have to get in the game.
What can you do? Here are three suggestions:
- Volunteer. Don’t just jump on a committee and do the work. Head a team and practice your leadership skills.
- Network with key people in other departments. Don’t just be friends, let them know what you do and that you are good at it. When people know you and like you, they find a way to do business with you.
- Make yourself unavailable. One woman adopted the “24-hour rule.” She would do anything for family and friends as long as she had a twenty-four hour notice. If they didn’t give her that, she said “no” and reminded them of the rule; she didn’t feel guilty about it. Pretty soon her family and friends started noticing how much she did for them – especially when they had to do it themselves!
Poke you head up and give it a go. Yes, being visible will feel uncomfortable at first. Others might be shocked. But if you have something to say, they might also appreciate it differently – and give your opinions more weight. More importantly, they will see something in you that they hadn’t seen before – something that might be just the quality that is needed for that other job – the one with more money and more power. Expect the missteps but victory up and keep going. You never know whose life might change for the better because you do!
Be Accountable to Your SELF
At BusinessDictionary.com, accountability is defined as “the obligation of an individual or organization to account for its activities, accept responsibility for them, and to disclose the results in a transparent manner.
Thanks to politicians and celebrities, and their PR departments, we’ve learned that any act or behavior can be manipulated to deflect blame and make something bad seem good, or at least not so bad. It’s called “spin.” It includes things like twisting facts or words to support you actions, the “not my fault” apology (if anyone was offended…), not using pronouns (mistakes were made vs. I made a mistake) and distort and distract (So what? What difference does it make now? And you’re complaining about me? What about you?)
When you “spin” something that’s happened, the greatest problem isn’t that you weren’t fully honest with others, it’s that you tried to trick your SELF – that part of you who always knows the real story. Your SELF never lets you forget, never lets you get away with anything.
When you blame someone else because you aren’t getting respect, aren’t successful, happy, productive, or any host of things, you probably aren’t doing yourself any favors. You have to be honest with yourself. Sure things can happen, but consider that if you aren’t…
- Respected: you either didn’t demand respect or you didn’t earn it.
- Happy: you gave someone else the power over your happiness.
- Successful: you can still be it – stop whining and learn what you didn’t do right and change it
- Productive: you either didn’t put forth your best effort or you let others distract you from your goals
Remember that the person to whom you have to be unwaveringly accountable is your SELF. You can “spin” the facts anyway you want, but in your heart of hearts you’ll always know the truth. Be honest – at least with yourself – about your mistakes and failures.
Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” A good message and it’s one that has its roots in personal accountability.
Where’s Your Tribe?
OK, so you aren’t a native American. But you’ve heard it before – birds of a feather flock together. That’s because they have something in common. A tribe, in today’s culture, are those people you resonate with – your birds of a feather. Your do-over will go much easier if you are with people who understand what your experiencing.
Between in-person groups and online groups, you have no excuse for not finding people with whom you can connect and share experiences. There are groups for the divorced, for the loss of a loved on, singles, new business owner, ballroom dancers, scuba divers, hikers…just about anything that you’re feeling or anything want to do or learn, you can find a group.
When Regina went through a very nasty divorce, she joined a group at her church. It helped her connect with other people who were in the same kind of pain. Gradually she got more comfortable being by herself at social events. After a while, she remembered her love for dancing. Sp first she joined a line dancing group at the local night school – no partner needed. She learned new dances and, from time to time, the class went out socially together. Little by little she found other dance groups and learned other dances. Finally she took ballroom lessons and found her passion. Last time I heard, though still single, Regina goes dancing a couple times a week, goes to ballroom dancing weekend workshops and even does an occasional “showcase” – all with partners who are happy to be with her.
You can find online groups easily with a few clicks. “Live” groups aren’t much harder. If you’re stuck for ideas, go to meetup.com. There you’ll find hundreds of places where you’re “tribe” hangs out.
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||Easy step-by-step instructions to start changing your life RIGHT NOW!
||Real life examples provide inspiration and motivation!
Between authors and readers, it was quite a show! My guests were authors Doreen McGettigan and Cindy Falteich and voracious reader Maria Peterson. I hope you got some great ideas for summer reads. Below are the links to the authors and the books, except for one: Rude Awakenings by Toni McCloe (not yet available).
And, BTW, if you are looking to get inspired by women who have overcome seemingly overwhelming challenges, read Victorious Woman! Shaping Life’s Challenges into Personal Victories. I interviewed over 100 women for this book. I heard some amazing stories of overcoming and I chose nine of those stories. They are ones I thought you would resonate with…even if you aren’t experiencing this exact same challenge. I weave some of those other stories, and some of my own, in the last chapter, which some have called “a blueprint for life.” I wrote that chapter as a kind of “lessons learned” compilation from all of the amazing women I interviewed.
You can read it here:
Maria and I talked about the Goodreads website, where you can look for book ideas by author and genre, and read reviews from people like you.
See you next Friday at Happy Hour
I know – I know. You want to be positive and focus on your strengths. But ignoring your weak spots is one fast way to sabotage your efforts. To avoid that, here’s what to do:
1 – Think about what you do well. Make a list.
2 – Now think about what you don’t do well.
Are you terrible at details? Do you have trouble standing up for yourself? Are you uncomfortable telling others about your accomplishments? Do you need more education? Are you short on money?
3 – Make another list and study it. How can you those challenges?
Can someone help you with the detail work? Is there a night school course in assertiveness training – and can your friends practice with you? Is there a class or a mentor who can teach you what you don’t know?
Facing and eliminating or mitigating the challenges that you already know can easily get in your way will free you up to (1) focus on what you do best and (2) enable you to have the energy to handle the unknown challenges that will come up along the way.
Think of it this way: When there’s a pile of stuff mucking up your victory path, pretending it doesn’t exist will only make it stink more with each passing day. You have to find a way to clean it up, clear the path and keep moving forward.
If victory, and its resulting success, was easy, more people would be doing it – and they aren’t. Don’t be like them. Instead, embrace the victory process.
Victory is about stretching out of your comfort zones. It isn’t easy, but once out, you never go back.
Successes come and go, but victory lasts forever.
Design a Vision Board – and Use It
You’ve seen picture collages before, and maybe even made one, using photos from past events. Maybe you created an anniversary collage for yourself or your parents. Or maybe you made a collage of a child’s first year, or your children enjoying themselves on last year’s vacation. Those kinds of collages are about something that has already happened.
A Vision Board is a picture collage. The difference between the kind of photo collage you are familiar with and a Vision Board is that instead of marking a past event, it forecasts, some may even say foretells, your future. Instead of using photos you’ve taken, you use pictures you’ve cut from magazines. The pictures aren’t of some events from your past, but instead reflect your aspirations and goals for your future. It’s a picture you your life when, for example, you’re thirty pounds thinner, get your college degree, pass the bar exam, have a successful business, having a great time in retirement.
For a Vision Board, you cut out the picture, glue them onto a poster board of any size and focus on those images every day. One of the real tricks of Vision Boards is actually using one. That means that you put your Vision Board in a place where you will see it. When you look your Vision Board, you visualize yourself BEing in that picture, DOing the things in that Vision Board and HAVE-ing the life pictured on your Vision Board.
The Vision Board is based on the science of visualization. The magic of the Vision Board is that, when you visualize yourself in another place/job/lifestyle, you begin to take actions that reflect your new position.
A Vision Board alone won’t change your life. But, when using one and getting ideas, you take action, that will positively change your life.
Want to take a class in Vision Boards? Find the next webinar: Vision Boards