Joseph and I did pretty good packing this morning. We left around 9am and stopped at WAWA for some tea and sandwiches. We figured we wouldn’t stop for breakfast so we could get to Salem early enough to tour Fenway Park.
Joseph didn’t map anything out and decided to use WAZE. I can never understand how anyone can plan a long trip and depend just on a computer. But I was too busy editing Five-Year Marriage™ to argue. I would have to trust Joseph and WAZE LADY.
We did OK until we got off the George Washington Bridge. That’s about when WAZE LADY must have started drinking. She took us through every possible traffic jam from NY to MA, including right through the heart of Boston and every single North Shore town between Boston and Salem.
I was ticked, because it was during my turn to drive. Joseph, so trusting of WAZE LADY, thought there must have been an accident on the Merritt or someplace. But I checked and, at least by the interstate traffic reports, there wasn’t.
The 6.5 hour trip took us 8.5 hours. It cut out any chance of a Fenway tour. I was ticked off. But that wasn’t the worst of it…
When we made a stop for gas along the way, and thinking we were pretty close to the end of our trip, I got a very large tea. However, as it turned out, we weren’t at the end of the trip. It wasn’t long before I thought my bladder was going to burst!! And, as we drove through each of those little shore towns, I wanted to scream because I couldn’t find a Starbucks or any place that might have a bathroom. You know how that is, right?
Finally, as we drove through the shore town of Swampscott, MA, I saw two port-a-pottys at the entrance to the waterfront park. “AH,” I thought, “Relief is only seconds away.” And every second counted…know what I mean? I didn’t care that everyone saw me scrambling up the sidewalk toward them. I knew that were thinking, “Wow! She must really have to go!” And they were right! My very full bladder was demanding, “Empty me!”
But I was in for a rude awakening. I got to the port-a-potty – and it was locked. LOCKED?!? Oh, no…
I scrambled back to the car, practically in tears. Joseph took over the wheel while I hunted for a place to go. I stopped looking for a store or something respectable. At that point, anyplace would do.
Finally I told Joseph to pull into a parking lot where the far side of the lot backed up to a forest or something. I didn’t care what it was because it seemed at least a little private. I shimmied myself out of the passenger’s seat and, well – ahhhhhh – relief…
What Victory Chick doesn’t know what I’m talking about??
Of course, I’m probably on some security camera someplace. Or worse, on someone’s twitter feed with the less-than-140 character tweet: “lady with big butt peeing in pubic.” If you see it, let me know…
And, as of today, WAZE LADY is on my list…and not the good one!
