The Five-Year Marriage®: Will My Partner Always Agree With Me?

fighting couple fixes relationship

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers Unique Marriage Advice For Engaged Couples 

Even engaged couples who are certain they want to be together may not be so certain about the traditional approach to marriage. After all, forever is a long time, especially if you’re engaged at a young age. Can you really see yourself feeling and thinking the same ways in a decade? How about two or three decades, or even more? Engaged couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage should read The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage ParadigmI’m Annmarie Kelly, author of The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm and engaged couples, newly married couples, as well as single women and men interested in a new approach to marriage will find life-changing marriage advice in my book. 

Looking For Your Five-Year Partner: Should A Potential Partner Always Agree With You? 

When you’re searching for a partner for your Five-Year Marriage®, even though it isn’t a “forever” commitment, you want to be sure that you and your partner are compatible. After all, although the commitment isn’t forever, The Five-Year Marriage® still requires both partners to work together. Does that mean your partner should always agree with you? Of course not. After all, there’s likely no two people on the planet who agree all the time on everything. Additionally, sometimes people find themselves attracted to someone who is quite different from them. 

Engaged Couples Should Look For Chemistry And Support From One Another 

What’s more important than agreeing with your partner on every little thing is for the two of you to have emotional chemistry and to support one another. Do your values align? Do your differences complement each other? Can you turn to your partner when things aren’t going well, knowing that will have their support? These are some of the things that are crucial to look for in a potential five-year partner. Couples, or single people interesting in looking for their five-year partner, can learn more about what to look for in a partner in The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to singles, engaged, and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage® can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage® or contact me today

The Best Piece of Marriage Advice He Ever Got

When Ronald Roache got married, his new father-in-law gave him and his new bride, Yoshiko, some marriage advice. “Marriage is a business,” he told them. “part love and part business. You can’t go into the store and say, ‘I love my husband, now give me groceries.’”

At the time, Ronald and Yoshiko did what most young couples would do, they didn’t pay a lot of attention. However, it didn’t take long to find the truth in the older man’s words. Today, sixty-four years later, he says was the best piece of relationship advice he ever got.

Like most couples, when the two started out, they loved each other. Though they were mixed race (he’s black and she’s Asian), they presumed love would somehow conquer all. It wasn’t that easy.

In addition to making all the usual adjustments and decisions about housing, children, budgets, etc, their union caused its own problems. Back in the 1950’s, mixed-race marriages were way less accepted than today (if at all – and, in some places, were illegal). So the couple faced lots of social challenges right from the start. Living their life together as a “part love, part business” partnership made the difference.

Can Lovers Be Partners?

Most couples getting married today could use the same advice. Like  Ronald and Yoshiko, they marry because they love each other. However, as soon as the ring is on her finger, the task of figuring out what their soon-to-be partnership means gets back-burnered. Instead, hours and hours are spent over many months planning the wedding – an event that’s over in a day. Little time is spent planning the marriage – which, on their wedding day, the couple vow will last a lifetime.

The thing is, once the party is over and the wedding dress is packed away, real life happens. Bills come due, jobs change, children are born, houses are bought, mortgages need to be paid, cars break down, someone gets sick – all normal life changes. Normal, but they create stress and tension in a relationship. Then, if it’s normal, how do you manage those normal stresses – and still keep the love alive?

That’s what Ronald’s father-in-law was talking about in his simple but powerful advice. He knew how hard marriage is in the best circumstances. He also knew, without the business side in place, keeping the love burning when there are piles of loveless crap heaped on top of it – that’s an almost-impossible dream.

Creating and managing a good partnership is key to dealing with the “stuff” of life, love, and marriage. That’s what makes it the cornerstone of The Five-Year Marriage®.

Is it Really Love?

When people first learn about the Five-Year Marriage®, a common reaction is “it seems more like business than love.” Not true.

In the first place, why would you be thinking about marriage without love? Even in platonic marriages, where there’s no romance or sex involved, the partners have some kind of love for each other. So the love part is a given.

Next, ask anyone who is divorced about the love. When a marriage ends, even when it ends amicably, all that love is overshadowed by the business of who gets what. Many divorced men and women have admitted that, if they had worked together in their marriage the way they worked to get divorced, they might still be married. In fact, studies show that 6% of couples get back together and, when they do, 72% of the remarriages work. That’s likely because the couple learned (1) that love isn’t enough and (2) there’s value to being partners. Partners articulate their shared values and goals, talk about problems and work out solutions, make written agreements, share responsibilities equitably, and get outside help when they need it.

For most couples, the Five-Year Marriage® model has them doing more business upfront, with regular check-ins, and periodic (five-year) resets. That work doesn’t only build the partnership, it also fosters more trust, respect, and emotional safety – all the stuff real love is.

Marriage Tips for a Healthy Marriage with Partnership

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help empower many women to live their best life. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to singles, engaged, and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage – help and tips that empower both partners to live their best marriage..and best life together. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage® can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage® or contact me today.

The Five-Year Marriage®, Your Partner, And Chemistry

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers Couples Fresh Marriage Advice 

The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm offers couples who are considering a more serious commitment an alternative to traditional marriage. The Five-Year Marriage can shift your perspective about marriage, help you think beyond the wedding day, and consider the importance of finding a compatible partner. I’m Annmarie Kelly, author of The Five-Year Marriage. My husband and I have built a life together for 30+ years, taking each of our marriages only five years at a time. Now, you can too. 

The Importance Of Chemistry In A Relationship 

All couples have heard before that in order to have a successful relationship there has to be some level of chemistry between both partners. What exactly is chemistry, through? Why is it important to a long-term relationship? 

Most commonly, couples think of two kinds of chemistry that come with relationships. there’s romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry. Romantic chemistry is what leads to the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling that many find so thrilling at the beginning of a relationship. Sexual chemistry, of course, is what leads couples to feel that draw of magnetism and “heat” for one another. While both of these forms of chemistry are important in a relationship, neither are the attraction, or chemistry, that is most important. After all, both of these feelings can fade with time. You simply can’t build a lasting relationship on something so temporary. 

Find A Partner You Have Emotional Chemistry With 

Emotional chemistry is a powerful feeling. It’s a sensation that is hard to put in definite terms. When you have good emotional chemistry with someone, you “just click.” You feel like you’re on the same wavelength. This attraction and connection is essential for a Five-Year Partner. Learn more about finding emotional chemistry in The Five-Year Marriage. 

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage® or contact me today

What Are Good Qualities For A Five-Year Partner?

relationship advice, when I'm sorry isn't enough

Looking For The Right Partner For The Five-Year Marriage® 

Although some of the expectations and practices around marriage have changed over the years, couples who are together in the long term are still largely expected to formalize their relationship through marriage. Some engaged couples find, however, that the “forever” style commitment of traditional commitment isn’t for them. An alternative can be found in The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage ParadigmI’m Annmarie Kelly, and I welcome engaged couples to consider the benefits of The Five-Year Marriage® 

Finding The Right Partner Is The Key To A Solid Relationship 

No matter your reasons for getting married – whether for love, finances, or children – the relationship is made much easier with both partners are compatible with one another. When you are interested in a Five-Year Marriage® style of commitment, you also have to make sure that your partner is suited to The Five-Year Marriage® plan.  

What Qualities Make For A Good Five-Year Partner? 

In The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm, I detail qualities that can make someone a potential candidate for a Five-Year Marriage®. There are, of course, many metrics by which you might measure how well-suited a partner is for you. However, over the years I have identified seven “must haves” for partners who want toThe Five-Year Marriage®. I call thee these“must haves” The Solid Seven. They offer you fast feedback on potential partners, even early on in your relationship. To learn more about The Solid Seven, read The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Singles, Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today

But She Was My Soulmate

Soulmates was what they said. From the first day they met, Jim, the young doctor, and Sandy, the promotions manager, were so easy being together – no awkward moments, no missteps, just comfortable and happy. Their connection got very deep very fast.

Then Sandy told him she met someone else.

“What happened – how could this happen?” Jim wondered. “I thought soulmates were forever.”

Really?

What Is a Soulmate?

What is a soulmate? The answer depends on whether you want to reality or the romantic definition.

Literally-speaking, a soulmate is someone with whom you have an inexplicably strong connection. When you meet, you “click” quickly and easily. You like being with each other. You feel comfortable when you’re together.

The soulmate connection could be romantic and/or sexual but it can also be mental, emotional, spiritual, ideological, or something else. Your soulmate(s) can be strictly social or can even be a work or situational soulmate.

Also, the idea that there is just one soulmate for any one person is bogus. The average person can have many soulmates…even many romantic soulmates.

You can be with your soulmate for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

The Soulmate Myth

The mystique surrounding the soulmate is the stuff of fairy tales. One of the best ways to describe the soulmate myth is through the Urban Dictionary definition. It perfectly captures the impression too many people have:

“Fate and destiny contribute to the romantic bliss and happiness where both partners are so immersed in the strong karmic connection. The relationship between soul mates has a certain magical, mystical feel to it. The love is so strong, the chemistry is unexplainable, and sex is mind-blowing. Destiny makes sure these people find each other and gives two people the opportunity to have a fabulous relationship, grow as people and learn valuable lessons.”

Karmic? Magical? Mystic? Maybe soulmates are all of those. Or maybe that’s a lot of crap.

Still, even if your soulmate connection is romantic, it doesn’t necessarily mean s/he is a “forever in this lifetime” person.

Do You Have a Soulmate?

If soulmates actually exist, the likelihood that you have a soulmate is high. That’s because soulmates are part of reincarnation (one soul through many lifetimes). If a soul reincarnates, then it’s believable that you can cross paths with souls you knew from other lifetimes. When you do, your souls are likely to recognize each other. If you’re an “old soul” that means you’ve been around for many lifetimes and had many past life experiences; you could be meeting lots of other souls all the time. Some of those meetings can be like the proverbial ships passing in the night. However, others could have been very strong relationship in a past life and your soul remembers it. That’s how that fast and deep connection happens.

Marriage is real life – there is no happily-ever-after without conscious effort.

Remember that teacher you felt such a strong connection to in the fourth grade? Or a mentor who seemed to know you better than you knew yourself – and without whom your life wouldn’t be what it is? Or that family down the street who felt more like your family than the one you lived with? Those are happy soulmate connections.

Yet every soulmate connection isn’t always a good one. What about that relationship that was so toxic but you just couldn’t pull away from it? Or that coworker you didn’t like from the moment you met – and you could never explain why.

When destiny connects you with a soulmate, it’s an opportunity. In other lifetimes, some of those soul connections were too short and you get to finish them in this lifetime. Others were messy and you get to clean them up.

Soulmate connections are opportunities; they are not a guarantee.

Do Soulmates Make for a Better Marriage?

While the idea of being with and marrying your soulmate is deliciously compelling, the reality is a false equivalence. Soulmate marriage presumes the “happily ever after” that every romantic loves to dream about living.

However, marriage is real life and there is no auto-happily-ever-after. No matter how connected you and your sweetie are, the reality is that even soulmates have arguments, have bills to pay, disagree about how to raise the kids, get sick, lose their jobs, have accidents, and all the other things that are part of everyday life. Being soulmates when times are tough isn’t any easier than for couples who aren’t soulmates.

What makes the difference is how well you communicate with each other – soulmate or not. It matters if you treat each other fairly, divide the responsibilities equitably, make clear and conscious agreements, and renegotiate agreements when they aren’t working or when something has changed.

In the Five-Year Marriage, couples – soulmates or not – choose to design their marriage to fit who they are as a couple. They are partners who make agreements together and put their agreements in writing. They also agree to review and reevaluate how things are going and, every five years, re-contract and start over with new agreements.

So, if you’re waiting around to meet your soulmate so you can have an amazing marriage, you could be waiting a very long time – maybe a lifetime. You could be pining away for some fantasy that may not even make you happy in the long-term.

If you want to be happy in your marriage, your best bet is to (1) choose someone who is a good partner and (2) together, rethink the whole idea of traditional marriage, and shift your paradigm to the five-year plan.

If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage® can offer you the relationship advice you and your partner have been looking for, You can take the first step with this groundbreaking, game-changing book: click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage® or contact me today.

The Five-Year Marriage®: Finding The Right Partner

The Five-Year Marriage® Gives Engaged Couples Advice On How To Plan For Marriage 

If you’re making a long-term commitment to your partner, shouldn’t planning the marriage be more important than planning the wedding day? I’m Annmarie Kelly, and I encourage all couples considering marriage to read The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage ParadigmThe Five-Year Marriage helps couples learn how to plan for marriage together.  

How Can You Plan For Marriage? 

Although traditional marriage requires a commitment of “til death do us part,” we all know that that promise is no guarantee of success in marriage. After all, about half of marriages in the US end in divorce. The Five-Year Marriage isn’t guaranteed to make your marriage a sure thing, either. In fact, the very premise depends on couples being willing to take the chance that after five years their commitment to one another might be over. What The Five-Year Marriage® can do for you is encourage couples to prioritize their commitment and really think ahead in their marriage. 

It Starts With Finding The Right Partner 

Any successful partnership depends first on finding the right partner. When you want to walk the path of The Five-Year Marriage, you have to ask yourself – what kind of person would want a Five-Year Marriage? Or, rather, what kind of person wouldn’t want a Five-Year Marriage? By starting with that question, couples will be able to figure out if they are a good match for each other in a Five-Year Marriage. 

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today

Relationship Advice: When “I’m Sorry” DOESN’T Count

relationship advice, when I'm sorry isn't enough

“I’m sorry,” Ken told Patty when she found out that he forgot to pay the credit card bill. “Who cares if you’re sorry,” Patty spit back angrily. “Now we have to pay interest AND a late fee.” Feeling guilty, Ken repeated his apology and assured her, “it won’t happen again.” But it did happen again. And, again, Ken said “I’m sorry.”

Everyone can make a mistake and forget sometime from time to time. However, while forgetting one time is an accident, multiple times is a pattern of behavior.

Patterns Either Build or Destroy

A pattern of behavior is any behavior that is consistently repeated. Paying attention to them in a relationship is important. Noticing both good and bad behavior patterns matters to your relationship. In fact, it can even save it.

For example. if your partner kisses you before going to bed and says “I love you”, that’s a positive pattern, and you like it. The more of that kind of pattern that you build into your relationship. Noticing that pattern gives you an opening to compliment your partner (“I love that you remember to kiss me goodnight”), which creates good feelings. It also can encourage your partner to do more things like that.

Obviously, love patterns aren’t the ones that cause trouble. The ones that do are the patterns that chip away at he trust between you.

Talk is Cheap and Actions Speak Louder Than Words

When it comes to love and relationships, trust reigns supreme. It’s the cornerstone of emotional safety and true intimacy. Patterns that don’t build trust weaken any relationship.

When your partner knows you don’t follow through on what you say, that pattern of behavior invariably leads to trouble. It did for Patty and Ken.

Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. Ken’s lack of follow through and the resulting “I’m sorrys” did nothing but make Patty doubt his every word. Patty no longer trusted Ken to pay any bills on time. So Patty decided she’d do it – and add another thing to her list of house things. It started a little piece of resentment that grew with each month that Patty paid that bill.

Resentment is sticky

Resentment is a funny thing. It’s sticky – like fly paper. Once out there, other things stick to it; it grows.

Patty’s resentment started sticking to other things – like that time Ken was supposed to pick Patty up and was a half-hour late. “He has no respect for me or my time,” Patty groused as she stood waiting for Ken to show up. Of course, as soon as Ken got there, Patty let him have it.

Of course, Ken apologized, but so what? Patty heard plenty of Ken’s apologies and, based on Ken’s patterns of behavior, believed they were meaningless.

Patty and Ken were on the path to breaking up.

Can This Relationship Be Saved?

Was there anything Patty and Ken could do to bridge the gap that was growing wider all the time? Yes! Here’s a Five-Year Marriage Method called The Family Meeting. Ken and Patty make a date to meet to discuss the problem. They meet outside the house, at a local coffee shop (keeps things civil). At their meeting…

  1. Patty needs to own the resentment and be able to verbalize clearly and calmly to Ken in the Family Meeting (1) what caused it, and (2) how she feels about it. It takes some prep work. Without the prep, Patty will likely not express herself the best was and, as a result, lose her personal power, Ken will be defensive, and the communication will break down.
  2. Ken needs to be open to hear, understand, and own his unproductive pattern of behavior. That means no excuses, no defensiveness, just an open-hearted seeing of how an “I’m sorry” without changing his behavior is affecting Patty.
  3. Ken agrees that he can and is willing to change his behavior. That means he doesn’t automatically agree to anything. Instead, he thinks first (“can I do that” and “will I do that”) and agrees/disagrees second. Then, if he agrees, he writes his agreement down where he will see it.In the case of the bill-paying, Ken agrees and then circles the due date on his calendar (if he sees it, he’ll do it). Then he either writes a check, pays online or by phone, or sets up an auto-deducted monthly payment.
  4. For Patty’s part, she has to be open to giving Ken a break – and the opportunity to “redeem himself” and earn back her trust. That means no sideswiping or off-handed digs. What happens in Family Meeting stays in Family Meeting.

If Ken and Patty can’t work it out alone, it’s worth seeing a marriage therapist or someone who can help Ken figure out what’s going on with him.

In The Five-Year Marriage, couples meet regularly in Family Meetings to work on problems like shared responsibilities. They aren’t making off-handed agreements on the spur of the moment. Instead, they discuss and make agreements to each other consciously, write them down, and follow-up at the next Family Meeting.

If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm

 

The Five-Year Marriage®: Planning Beyond The Wedding Day

Relationship advice that works

Looking For Relationship Advice Before Marriage? 

It is undeniable that the expectation to marry influences many couples to go through with a life-long commitment without putting real thought and consideration into what lies beyond the wedding day. The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm encourages couples to think beyond wedding planning to marriage planning. My name is Annmarie Kelly, and in The Five-Year Marriage I offer young couples the best relationship advice I know. 

Wedding Planning Vs. Marriage Planning 

Intense and extremely thought-out wedding planning is an aspect of marriage culture that couples are taught to expect. Whether you hire a professional or try to take on the wedding planning yourself, there are experts, advice, and self-help tips aplenty to be found for how to successfully plan a wedding. 

Why do we put so much effort into planning an event that will only last a day? Why don’t we put that same effort, if not more, into planning for the marriage that is meant to last “’til death do us part”? Partially, perhaps, it is because there are no “marriage planners” in the way that there are “wedding planners”. 

The Five-Year Marriage® Can Help You Become Your Marriage Planner 

The Five-Year Marriage encourages couples to think outside of the box. This plan advises couples to consider more than one day – it asks them to seriously consider what they expect the next five years together to look like, and if both parties are ready to do the work to hold true to their agreed-upon marriage plan. 

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today

The Five-Year Marriage: Advice For Couples

five year marriage happy couple

The Five-Year Marriage Provides Great Relationship Advice 

So many people want to achieve their happily ever after through marriage, and yet many people also acknowledge that marriages often fail. Couples who are wary of the topic of marriage but who are interested in committing to one another can find an alternative to traditional marriage The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage ParadigmI’m Annmarie Kelly, and The Five-Year Marriage is the plan by which my husband and I have shared the past 30+, taking it only 5 years at a time. 

The Five-Year Marriage: Advice For Couples 

Should you choose to enter a five-year marriage with your partner, you will work together to determine the terms of your five-year marriage. You will form an agreement that you will assess at the end of your five-year term and then determine, as a pair, if you’re ready to continue with another five-year marriage. Traditional marriages are often built on assumptions past the marriage day. You promised ‘forever,’ so that’s the plan that married couples feel they have to stick to regardless of changes in their lives. The five-year marriage, on the other hand, encourages couples to acknowledge change, to make room for it in their relationship, and to not take each other for granted. 

In addition to offering an alternative option for marriage, The Five-Year Marriage offers great advice for couples. Even couples who aren’t entirely sure if a five-year marriage plan is for them can benefit from a new perspective on relationships and commitment. Get your copy of The Five-Year Marriage today for relationship advice for you and your partner. 

The Five-Year Marriage Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today

Is Your Marriage Dishonest?

Is This Marriage Honest?

Janet was second guessing a recent decision and needed a little marriage advice from her long-time girlfriends. “Just don’t tell Tony,” Janet said as she sipped her chardonnay. “He doesn’t know I feel this way, and I don’t think he’d understand.”

Why Janet was so comfortable telling her girlfriends what was in her heart or on her mind, but not her spouse, should have bothered everyone (it didn’t). What Janet probably didn’t realize was that she was confessing to having a dishonest marriage.

The sad truth is that many marriages are dishonest. Maybe most of them are! It isn’t intentional – at least not at first. In fact, it happens easily and almost by accident.

Is Your Marriage Dishonest?

The dishonest marriage often has an innocent start. It happens when one or both partners aren’t truthful with each about what’s happening within the marriage. Very often it starts with one partner not being straight-up about some internal change. The change is likely to be the result of a significant emotional event, like the death of a parent, a serious car accident, or winning the lottery. However, the most common SEE for young couples is the birth of a child.

Have Significant Emotional Events Impacted Your Marriage?

Nearly every couple will tell you that the birth of your first child has a tremendous impact on how you think and feel about almost everything. When it was BC (before children) and it was just you two, you were able to come and go independently. If you wanted to go out for drinks with friends, you could. If you got an idea for a quick trip, on a moment’s notice, you’d do it. If your job required some travel, no problem. Your plans could change on a dime without a big hassle. You thought about what you wanted, what fun things you could do – together or separately – and, most of the time, you focused on NOW.

How Did That Event Change You?

With the birth of your baby, life changed and, now that you have a baby and you can’t just pick up and go. In fact, just getting out the door in the morning takes three times longer than BC. You new experience of last-minute changes is putting on a new shirt because the baby spit up on the first one.

A new baby means another person is totally dependent on you. And, while you expected to kiss quiet nights goodbye, you didn’t expect to spend so much time worrying about how you’ll keep that precious baby safe, or what to teach it so that s/he grows up healthy and well. You also didn’t think you would question your self or your job or wonder what opportunities are elsewhere – ones that will be better for the family.

Gradually your thinking changes  and that’s normal and natural; but here’s the thing: the birth of your child is a significant emotional event that alters the way you think about life and love. You become someone else – maybe a fuller, richer expression of who you really are. It’s a good thing to grow.

Change Can Destroy A Marriage

The downside is that, too many times, partners change and don’t keep pace with each other. Time moves fast and, before they know it, ten years passed. They get into an argument and she says to him (or vice versa) “I don’t know who you are anymore. What happened to us?”

So the BIG question is this: are you sharing (with your life partner instead of your friends) the internal changes resulting from your SEE? If you aren’t, you are hiding your SELF. And you’re make your marriage dishonest.

Dishonesty is how a marriage breaks down. You live together, share your food and your bed, but not yourself. Without the transparency that sharing those intimate details of change brings, the bond between you weakens.

Moreover, your partner knows – even if it’s on an unconscious level – that you aren’t being honest. S/he says, “I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel like something’s wrong. What is it?” And the [dishonest] answer is “nothing.”

Without honesty there can’t be emotional safety. Without that, what do you have together? Do you even have a real marriage?

Worse yet, consider this: if you aren’t being honest about who you are, when s/he says “I love you” how do you know if that love is for you? You don’t. In fact, the likelihood is that the love is really for the person you used to be…because your spouse doesn’t know you aren’t that person now.

There’s a Proven Method for Successfully Handling Change in Your Marriage!

Instead of leaving emotional safety and true intimacy to chance, you have a practical alternative to traditional marriage in The Five-Year Marriage. It isn’t some airy-fairy pact you make one day when you’re both in love and hot for each other. No, in The Five-Year Marriage, you and your partner make a decision to stay connected – in writing.

The Five-Year Marriage® includes (for starters) what your goals are, how you will accomplish those goals together, and what expectations you both have for your five-year marriage. You commit to working together and prioritizing your marriage in your daily life. You stay in touch with each other – mentally and emotionally – through regular family meetings.

While The Five-Year Marriage® is designed to facilitate strong connection

s, it also helps you notice when “shifts” are happening – in life, inside you, in the partnership – early enough to get back on track while you are still orbiting in each other’s emotional energy.

If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage® can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today.