Happy Fall!!
I always think of September as a transition month. Vacations are over and people seem to “get serious” again. The days are shorter, which (to me) feels like I have less time. The once-green landscapes transition into a beautiful mix of yellow, red and orange, and soon we’re reaching for that sweater or jacket we haven’t worn for months.
Also, with everyone back home and kids are back to school, traffic patterns change and school buses create slowdowns. Halloween stuff is everywhere and – omg – so is pumpkin everywhere.
Usually, I roll with the annual transition stuff. However, this year, my transition season seems fuller than normal.
First of all, the detox for heavy metals is harder than I expected. And taking longer. I sort of thought it would be like taking antibiotics for a cold and that, after a week, my body would be acting and moving normally. It isn’t.
Then, last month, my spouse, Joseph Eagle, and I downsized our office to a smaller one closer to our home. My once-private, windowless office is now a small section of a much larger open space that has lots of windows and natural light. And, in the old office, we almost never saw other tenants. In this space, the other tenants have already stopped by and been most welcoming. It’s different but good.
Finally, this month, my next door neighbor of 25 years is moving to a retirement community. Denise and I weren’t friends but we have similar interests and got along well. I’ll miss her as I transition into welcoming the new, younger neighbors.
What about you? Do you have any fall transitions? If you do, I’m sharing three things I’m doing that are helping make transitions easier:
Recognize the Transition
Every year, usually on my drive home from work, I have a heavy traffic meltdown. I find myself spurting a “where did all these cars come from?” It’s usually peppered with a few choice words and more than a little attitude.
But, as soon as I say it, I remember “oh, it’s September” and everyone is back to “real life”. Almost instantly, with that realization, I feel myself taking a deep breath as I mentally shift into a better frame of mind.
Recognizing a transition signals to your mind that it’s time to adjust to something new. As your mind shifts, it stops fighting the change. Then it starts to relax and look for solutions.
Take a Breath
If you’re like me, stuff happens and you just keep plowing ahead until you wear yourself out. Doing that never serves us.
Instead, during a transition, you need to take a minute to acknowledge the transition. Here’s how I did it on my recent vacation:
Unlike the years when I spent almost every day of vacation hiking mountains in Maine, and loving it, I took a breath and I…
- Read a fabulous book (Beyond That, The Sea)
- Brought my last vision book with me and made adjustments, and
- After finding a fabulous new drink (limoncello and prosecco), I sat on the deck, drinking as I watched eagles flying and lobstermen coming and going.
It was different but good.
Of course, taking a breath doesn’t need an official vacation. It can be a weekend at the beach, an afternoon hanging out at your local library reading magazines, or a couple hours at the local coffee shop playing games on your phone. The idea is to – consciously and deliberately – stop your normal routine to give your transition a minute to sink into your consciousness to allow for acknowledgment and acceptance.
The Power of “AND…”
Almost nothing in life is stagnant, but most of us forget that when we are going through something. So we say something like “I hate this job” as though it’s final. It seldom is.
Instead, you can create a positive mental shift by following a statement with “and…” For example, for me, instead of just focusing on the negative situation, I focus on shifting my words to something like “I hate this illness AND my body is healing so I’ll be back to myself in the New Year.” Or, “I’m so sad to lose my good neighbor AND it’ll be fun to have new, younger neighbors.”
In The Five Year Marriage, I teach couples to think in five-year chunks of time and have regular family meetings. That gives couples the space to talk about things before they become ugly. So “it feels like we’ve stopped connecting” becomes “it feels like we’ve stopped connecting AND…at our next family meeting, I’m going to suggest seeing a counselor.”
Whether your transition is the season, the weather, a relationship, a job, or anything else, it’s time to take charge. Only you control what goes on in your own mind. You have the power!
With love and in victory,
Annmarie
Coming in October
I’m so excited! The second edition of The Five-Year Marriage will be online soon – and you can get it in paperback and Kindle. It’s great for Christmas giving – for the newly engaged, singles who are looking for something different from traditional marriage, and married couples who want to review and refresh.
I’ll have a special discount for you shortly. Stay tuned.
Btw: what do you think of the new cover design?. Let me know at Annmarie@AnnmarieKelly.com. THANKS!
