Greetings and Happy March!
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is a quote someone suggested I post for Valentine’s Day. I told her I wouldn’t even consider it. Why? Because I think it’s one of the stupidest things ever said about love. I wonder if you agree…
The quote comes from the 1970’s blockbuster movie, Love Story. I don’t know if you ever saw the movie, but it’s about a hot love affair between two college kids. That wouldn’t be movie-worthy now, but during the burgeoning hippy “free love” movement, it was edgy. Also, the main character was a rich, spoiled, screw-up boyfriend played by a very young, very handsome Ryan O’Neill. The girlfriend who spews the stupid phrase when her boyfriend screws up, was Ali McGraw. In 1970, she was probably the “IT GIRL” of the time. Together they were happy and HOT. Then their love story takes a dramatic turn when she gets a terminal illness. She dies, making the “love means…” quote seem powerful, or at least memorable
I’m of the opinion that the Love Story quote gave a lot of abusive or self-centered people a good excuse to get away with treating other people badly. After all, the thinking could be, “if you and I love each other, no matter what I do, I never have to apologize.” And, in1970, women were usually expected to suck it up. As a result, too many real-life women were soft-bullied into not expecting an apology for the bad behaviors of their partner.
Then came the dawn of feminism. Oprah showed up with a whole host of marriage counselors. Some were even worth watching. Things shifted.
By the time I met Joseph in 1985, Love Story was an antique. Good thing! I can tell you this from personal experience and Five-Year Marriage experience: That Love Story quote is simply awful. A sincere “I’m sorry” can soothe a pan and open the door to forgiveness.
Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody doesn’t apologize, and that’s how permanent rifts happen. Everybody isn’t you. You’re better than that.
But how do you do it? What’s a good apology? These apologies will get you started:
Five Ways To Say I’m Sorry
- “I know I hurt your feelings when I said/did [name it]. I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry. I promise to do better.”
- “I made a mistake. How can I make this right?”
- “I apologize. I was upset about something at work and took it out on you and I shouldn’t have.”
- “I apologize for what I did/said. I overreacted. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
- “I messed up. I’m sorry. Can we talk about it?”
Try these and let me know how they work for you.
Btw: the other side of apology is forgiveness. If someone apologizes – and it’s honest and sincere – let that person off the hook. Personally, I like “OK, I forgive you and don’t do it again.”
With love and in victory,
Annmarie
