Happy Fall!
I had an interesting experience recently. In late September, Joseph and I celebrated the 2nd anniversary of our 8th Five-Year Marriage. We missed our usual Maine vacation this year, so we decided to take a few days away to celebrate and catch up with each other.
I’ve been wanting to go to the 9-11 Flight 93 Memorial in Shanksville, PA and, as it turned out, the site isn’t far from the historic and elegant Inn at Bedford Springs…a perfect place for a romantic getaway. Going to the memorial might sound like a weird thing to do for an anniversary celebration, but surprisingly, it turned out to be the exact right thing. Here’s why…
Joseph and I left home on a picture-perfect Saturday morning, but by the time we got to Shanksville, it was pouring-down rain. So, we decided to see just the Visitor Center and come back on Sunday to see the outdoor memorial. It was a good call.
The indoor exhibit detailed the story of Flight 93 on that terrible September 11 morning, when ordinary people acted with extraordinary courage. The exhibit includes a wall with the pictures of the good people who died that day – 33 passengers and 7 crew members. Another part shows items that were recovered from the crash site, like a plane ticket and someone’s name badge. Frankly, I expected to see all those kinds of things.
However, what struck me most weren’t the artifacts. It was the voicemails.
In those last minutes before the crash, there were 37 calls made from Flight 93. Many of those calls didn’t reach the intended loved one directly. It was hard to hear those passengers pleading “if you’re there, please pick up”, hoping their loved one was around to talk…for one last time. But, it seems, most were not, so the passengers left VM messages.
What Do You Say?
What do you say when you’re 99% sure this is the last time you’ll have the chance/opportunity to talk to your loved one? How do you say what is in your heart when you only have a few precious minutes to figure out what to say, and then say it?
Most of the calls gave a short, choppy explanation for what was happening and explained that this call might be a last-ever call. There was no time to revisit shared memories or express unspoken feelings, like “I’m so glad we were married.” All of them, however, said “I love you”, and most said things like “tell the kids I love them”, or “tell my family I love them.”
I was especially struck by one call, from a woman to her sister. It was almost business-like as she explained, with a shaky voice, what was happening and then shared details about her home safe (location, password). She ended with “I love you. Goodbye.”
I listened to as many as I could, but they were heart-wrenching. When we left the Visitor Center, those calls were all I could think about as Joseph drove to the Inn. All of those people left that morning thinking they would have more time…to work, to have fun, to love. Suddenly they didn’t, and the thing they most wanted to share was some expression of love. Even the woman who left the info about her safe was clearly thinking of making it easier for her sister in the “after” part.
Why Wait? Say it Today
The more I thought about those voicemails, I wondered what I would say…and why hadn’t I said it yet? I realized that, as a culture, most of us aren’t comfortable expressing deep feelings of love “just because” – like, on a dull Tuesday night or a quiet Sunday afternoon. And also on a quiet weekend in Bedford Springs Pennsylvania. Studies have shown that expressing love to someone results in higher levels of psychological well-being. We all can use that, right?
Yet, for some reason, it sometimes feels awkward for most of us to express those feelings unless there was a reason that made it more comfortable or acceptable, like a birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, or some other “mark your calendar” event to share those deepest feelings.
What if you knew – as those Flight 93 passengers did – the “I love you” would also be a “goodbye?” What else would you say? Would you say…
- “I’m glad we met”
- “We made a good life together”
- “I’m so proud of you”
- “You’ve been a good [spouse/son/daughter/friend] and I appreciate you”
- “Thank you for loving me.”
- Something else?
Those voicemails made me ask myself “why wait”? Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Words left unsaid can never be reclaimed.
Today is a good day – a good week – a good month – to tell your spouse, kid, parent, friend, co-worker, or someone else that you love them, or appreciate them or what they do, or who they are in your life.
Who will you start with today? Make a list. Start with one person. And say it today.
I wish you a fabulous fall!
With love and in victory,
Annmarie
Reader Feedback!
Annmarie, Years ago, we visited the Memorial. Right after we parked a whole group of motorcycle riders came in, we all just looked at each other waiting to see what they would do. Never have we seen such respect from tattooed, leather, chain wearing bearded men. It was holy ground, and a lesson was learned by us all..
~ Annette S.
