A couple weeks ago I listened to the audio version of the novel,The Measure by Nikki Erlick. I listened to some of it by myself and some of it in the car with Joseph.
The story starts with, and is woven around, this most intriguing premise: on a normal spring morning, everyone in the world, age twenty-two or older, received a personalized box. The boxes showed up on people’s doorsteps out of nowhere. Strangely, in spite of all kinds of surveillance and home rings and blinks everywhere, nothing showed who or what delivered the boxes.
When people saw the boxes on their doorstep, everyone was mystified. Some people opened the box while others were skeptical about its origins and left the box alone. Others opened their box and found it contained nothing but a piece of string. Some strings were long while other people received a short string.
For a while, the whole thing was confusing to everyone. However, soon it became clear that the length of each string determined the length of the recipient’s life. The strings and their meaning threw the world into turmoil. The reader then explores the personal and global impact of the strings through the lives of eight characters.
Personally, I was thoroughly intrigued. Taking my cue from the characters’ stories, I quickly shifted into trainer and interviewer mode and compiled a list of questions.
What Would I Do?
I started thinking about my life, and Joseph, and wondered what I/we would do.
- Would I open the box?
- Would Joseph open his?
- How would the length of my string affect me if it was short…or long?
- If our strings were different lengths, how would the length of Joseph’s string affect me?
- How would the strings impact our Five-Year Marriage?
First, I thought about it by myself; I wasn’t sure.Then I started the conversation with Joseph. At first he said he absolutely would not open the box. But, ifI did, and I had a short string, Joseph thought it over and said he’d open his box. His reason for that was curious…and touching.
But Then I Went Deeper…
I looked at the two possibilities – short or long string – and thought of more questions. They really got me thinking, but because the topic relates to the premise of a fictional book, I got an almost lighthearted feel to the questions – it felt almost like the kind of “what if” games we played with in high school or college.
So, with the fictional box and fictional strings as the backdrop, and over a couple drinks on the deck, Joseph and I have had some interesting, non-threatening conversations. I’ve learned some things I didn’t know – about myself and about Joseph. After so many years together, it’s a happy surprise.
Do You Need To Read the Book?
I thoroughly enjoyedThe Measure. But, as I added questions to my list, I realized I didn’t need a book or a box or a string to have those meaningful discussions.
And neither do you.AND…using the fictional storyline as the base of the discussion will really take the heat off.
So, because “what do I say?” or “how do we get started” is one of the questions couples ask me regularly, I’m giving you some conversation-starters.
- Start with the questions above
- Next, and these questions are a running theme in the book, but can be applied to your own life/love
- What should we tell family and friends?
- What if people ask?
- How much of our personal business [or health, finances, etc.] should be shared or common knowledge?
- Knowing how fragile life is, is there anything that we can change now to make life better?
- What kind of new agreements would/should we make to improve our time together?
- Is there a fun bucket list item that we didn’t get to yet, and can we do it now?
As we move into the lazy, hazy days of summer. I hope you “play” with the questions and see what happens. If you need more help with difficult relationship conversations, my latest book, The Five-Year Marriage: Secrets, Tools, and Strategies for Reimagining Marriage So It Works for You, is chock-full of tips and advice. And I’d love to hear from you…by email, or FB, or IG.
With love and in victory,
Annmarie
