How to Talk About Change Without Starting a Fight – Relationship Communication Tips

couple arguing

Change is a normal—and necessary—part of life. But in relationships, bringing up change often feels like lighting a match in a dry forest. Even small suggestions can lead to big arguments. Why?

Because traditional marriages are built on the idea of permanence—unchanging vows, roles, and expectations. But when life changes (as it always does), that foundation can start to crack.

The Five-Year Marriage® offers a better way to talk about change—with less friction and more love.

Why Talking About Change Feels So Risky

  • Fear of being misunderstood or rejected
  • Worry that change = unhappiness
  • Past arguments that left emotional residue
  • A lack of tools for structured communication

5 Ways to Talk About Change Without Starting a Fight

  1. Schedule the Conversation
    Don’t ambush your partner with a big topic in the middle of dinner. Set a time so you’re both mentally and emotionally prepared.
  2. Use “I” Statements
    Speak from your experience. “I’ve been feeling…” or “I’m starting to think…” instead of “You always…”
  3. Stay Curious
    Ask your partner, “How do you feel about that?” instead of assuming their position.
  4. Make It a Collaboration, Not a Confrontation
    You’re not fighting each other—you’re solving something together.
  5. Use the Five-Year Framework
    If you only had 5 years together, what would you want to change? What would you do differently in the next five?

Change Doesn’t Have to Mean Conflict

The Five-Year Marriage® makes change a built-in part of the relationship. No surprises. No fear. Just open-hearted, forward-thinking love.

Ready to stop avoiding hard conversations—and start building a smarter, stronger partnership?

The Five-Year Marriage® is your guidebook for better conversations!
Grab your copy today!

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What is the Five-Year Marriage®?

Created by Annmarie Kelly, the Five-Year Marriage® is a concept of restructuring marriage agreements every five years to take into consideration external and internal changes happening to each person in the relationship. This periodic assessment of each person’s happiness, fulfillment, obligations and goals creates a safe space for each person to grow and change, together. The result is a relationship that grows stronger and more intimate over time. This collection of articles is a dep dive into the  different concepts proposed in the book, The Five-Year Marriage® and deserve a space for additional exploration and discussion.

Boundary-setting

Five Year Marriage

The Five-Year Marriage is a ground-breaking new concept for marriage. Every five year the couple spiritually ends one marriage and begins a new one - with new agreements and goals

Relationship communication

Successful communication is a cornerstone of a successful relationship. These articles offer insight, tips and tools for improving communication between couples.

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