Happy Holiday Greetings!
Earlier this week I was interviewed about long-term marriage for an article to be published in a UK women’s magazine. The journalist was particularly interested in The Five-Year Marriage and how it lends itself to keeping a marriage “fresh” over time. She asked good questions and made the interview easy and fun (not always what happens).
Her questions got me thinking…
This is the time of the year when the days get short, and (where I live) it gets cold and the trees and lawns go brown. It seems like I’m watching more TV, making soup, and drinking hot chocolate (and maybe I add some peppermint vodka).
Except for these few weeks of holiday hubbub, I’m ready (as the old poem says) to settle down for that long winter nap.
You too?
Doesn’t it seem like winter is telling us to slow down, soften, and be still? And not just for ourselves, but maybe also to slow down/soften/be still with a spouse, partner, kids, and friends.
What if you did that? Could that be important?
Love doesn’t grow fast. Love takes time.
One of the things I talked about during this most recent interview was how much life’s events change love and relationships. It’s something so important yet few people pay attention.
Here’s the thing….when life happens – good or bad – it changes the way you think, how you feel, and what you do. When you change, it changes the relationship – with a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, a co-worker.
Typically, that change happens stealthily. Then, when it shows up in a conversation or an argument, you’re surprised…sometimes even shocked. You might say “when did you start feeling like that?”
That question, and also “I didn’t know you felt that way now” can open doors to a conversation that can deepen your connection…if you take the time to have a conversation. Can you?
That’s why it’s true that love doesn’t grow fast..it also doesn’t die fast. The nurturing – or lack of it – determines the direction love takes.
The problem today is that we’re so used to rushing around, giving quick answers, making fast decisions, and responding to our social media, that we get lost in the noise. Could the silence of winter be used to take a breath, first with ourselves and then with our loved ones, and have that conversation? try it and see how it goes.
The Wintering of Love
If you’re ready to take advantage of winter’s short days and long nights to decelerate so you can rediscover the people closest to you, here are a few ideas:
- Talk to each other. Instead of quick check-ins, pick one of these questions and have a conversation about it.
- What do you think about [something that happened]. And, how do you feel about it?
- What’s one thing that happened that made you/me/us stronger? How?
- Where is one place you would love to travel to…maybe next year?
- What do you want to see us do more of in the next season?
- What’s one of your favorite memories? What made it so special?
- Be physical. Touch each other – a pat on the back, a touch on the cheek, a 20-second hug, snuggling in bed – they all show different levels of caring
- Make a space for connection. Create an in-home Happy Hour with candles, drinks and snacks
This month, you can choose stillness…softness. You can choose to winter your love — not as an ending, but as a beginning.
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas!
With love and in victory,
Annmarie
Who Needs this Book now? Who’s Getting Engaged this Christmas?
Know a couple who are engaged, pre-engaged, living together, or ready for a reset? This book makes a great gift!
