When I got married, I didn’t want to lose my personal power or sense of self as I saw happen to my girlfriends. Those relationships would crush their spirits – often leading to divorce, or ‘living together loneliness’. Marriage is supposed to be all about achieving that ‘happily ever after’, but hardly anyone ever achieves it.
When he popped the Question…
My boyfriend was traditional, he wanted to get married – and he made his intentions clear… multiple times. I quickly realized avoiding the issue wasn’t going to work.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about my girlfriends’ experiences with their marriages and how it always seemed to result in losing their independence, how their dreams were ignored, and their goals were sidelined.
I decided that wasn’t going to happen to me!
Get Rid of the Ball & Chain!
So it took me a long time before giving my boyfriend an answer. I said yes, but there was a condition – we would only be married for five years.
How Our Non-Traditional Marriage Works
Every 4 years we start meeting regularly to evaluate our current relationship, we each share where we want to go in the next five years, and we decide if we want to go there together. Then we make plans. We consider our agreements and the compromises we had made and decide what had worked and what didn’t. We create new agreements or renegotiate old ones.
When we finally reach the end of five years, we “spiritually” end that marriage and start fresh. This is only possible because of all the work we do during the discussion and negotiation process – it allows each of us to air our grievances, identify problems, and come up with solutions while expressing our personal desires and working towards our personal goals. This process allows us to let go of resentment, starting our new marriage with a clean slate.
As a result, neither of us gets dragged down by life changes and challenges. We support each other’s goals and face problems as a team resulting in a closer and more intimate relationship as each marriage passes.
I’ve been married SEVEN times… to the same man
We will soon be celebrating our 4th anniversary (of our 7th marriage) – that would be our 34th wedding anniversary if we had a traditional marriage.
Each of our marriages has been a unique experience. Each marriage has had at least one tough challenge – money, business, caregiving, health, and hitting a ‘wall’ that almost led us to not re-marrying!
Most importantly, each of our marriages strengthened our love for each other.
Give the Five-Year Marriage a Try!
No matter the length of your relationship, the Five-Year Marriage® concept can be a beneficial addition to any couple. Striving for intentionality, clear boundaries, and accountability leads to mutual respect, love, and real closeness that gives both parties peace of mind. Shedding light on these important issues – many of which get ignored in traditional marriages – will help any couple develop a stronger and more intimate relationship.
Here’s your next steps:
- Watch this Free Webinar: Free Relationship Reset Webinar
- Sign up for my Newsletter
- Grab a copy of the book: The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm