
Have you been talking about New Year’s Resolutions in this new year of 2025? Isn’t it fun to think of the whole year being a blank slate – 12 fresh new months – all ahead of you? It’s a hopeful feeling, right?
Sadly, for most people, that good feeling is fleeting. That’s why the second Friday of January is called Quitter’s Day. And, for couples, and in spite of best intentions, the month’s 25% increase in divorce inquiries and filings have gotten January tagged as Divorce Month.
So what if resolutions aren’t the way for most people? What if there’s a different way. There’s something I learned from two things I experienced last year: a serious health issue and the death of my oldest brother.
My Story
The health issue, heavy metal toxicity, affected my ability to do many things. As a result, I was more dependent on help from my spouse, Joseph.
Joseph and I are both used to being independent, so me needing help and him changing his routine to help me, was a very different and difficult experience for both of us. We needed to reevaluate our life, rethink the way we live together, and reset our agreements.
It was a very different experience with my brother. Throughout my life, he was an arrogant and abusive man, and his passing wasn’t sad for me. However, it shocked me when, a couple weeks later, I realized he was taking up space in my head. The realization came, oddly enough, when the lottery reached a new high. For the first time, I didn’t subconsciously worry that, if I played and won big, my sudden good fortune would have him lurking his way back into my life. That the fear of my brother, and all his bad behaviors, showing up in my life again still triggered a feeling of fear – even though my conscious mind knew he was dead – shook my whole being. It required an emotional reevaluation and a consciousness reset.
Since it’s a new year, I’m sharing both of these experiences with you to encourage you to consider forgetting the resolutions, and instead, consider a reset in you life or relationship.
What is a Reset?
A reset is a conscious effort to look at some part of your life or relationship, identify what’s important to you, and make small changes that will improve your life. It’s a way to start again after a period of change or stagnation.
A reset will put you back in touch with who you are, and what you want. As a result, you’ll be more of your real self, and that will make you happier this year.
How to reset
If a reset sounds like something that would work better for you than a new year’s resolution, here are three things to do to get your reset started:
1- Rethink one specific thing/area
– What’s working? What is it that makes it work?
– What’s not working? How does “not working” impact my life or relationship?
– How is this thing/area important to my life or relationship?
2 – Values
– Looking at that thing/area, consider its value. For example:
…Health
– What am I doing that demonstrates that value?
– What am I not doing, but could be doing?
…Marriage/love relationship
– How am I showing that I value my partner/ the relationship?
– Do my partner and I need to revisit the agreements we have about things like chores, date nights, childcare responsibilities, etc. to better value our relationship?
3 – Time
– How am I using my time in that area?
– Am I using my time the best way I can?
– What is one time change I can make that will help me?
Those are three areas and ideas. Other areas to consider for a reset: Money, Social Life, Education, Non-work hours, Children, Hobbies
Once you identify what to reset, start taking small resetting steps, e,g, a 10-minute walk that you will actually do will give you more benefit than committing to a one-hour/day resolution that you’ll forget about in a week or two. A monthly date night is likely to be more doable than a resolution to do a weekly date night.
Big resolutions feel good when you make them, but feel awful when you don’t follow through with them. Tiny reset steps are easier, and over time, result in happy changes.
Do you know about my fabulous course: The Relationship Reset?
Life changes. You change. Your relationship changes. When you feel distant and dis-connected from your partner, you need to step back, rethink, reorganize, and reset. That’s what this program helps you do, in only 30 days! Learn more.
I wish you a productive reset and a happy 2025!
With love and in victory,
Annmarie