Is Romance in the August Air?

Romance is in the air…or is it?

August is Romance Awareness Month.

Have you noticed?

Maybe not.

Has Romance Faded Out of Your Relationship?

If you’ve been married for any length of time, romance can sometimes fall off the “to-do” list. You know how it is. You get busy, other people’s needs are pressing on you,  you feel stressed – or all of the above.

Actually, any one of those are sure-fire romance-busters. However, those aren’t the worst of the romance rotters. There’s something else – something that is not so noticeable – and it happens by accident.

Habituation – the Ultimate Romance Destroyer

It’s a common pattern called habituation. That means you get used to something over time and then it becomes not-so-special. Like your spouse.

The Merriam Webster dictionary says it’s a “decrease in responsiveness upon repeated exposure to a stimulus.” Think about it…

Having Difficulty ‘Getting in the Mood?’

Remember when just the sound of your sweetie’s voice or a touch of the hand put you in a good mood? Does it still? Probably not, because over time you got used to that voice or that touch. You expect it’ll be there forever and ever. After a while it just doesn’t have the same ability to stimulate that “special something” in you.

Maybe you Need a Fresh Start

In The Five-Year Marriage® there is no “forever and ever.” There is only this five years. The next five years can bring something entirely different. It’s a little scary…but it’s also a little exciting.

Think about it…at the end of this five years, if you don’t have that person in your life, how will you feel? What will you miss?

The Five-Year Marriage® abhors habituation. It’s very design keeps you paying attention.

If you’re missing some of the sweet soul music of romance, Romance Awareness Month is a great time to get it back.

Five Ways To Revisit Romance in Your Relationship

1. Thank you. Courtesies come easy for couples when they are “new” together. They say excuse me, please and thank you. Is there something about married familiarity that short-circuits politeness? Maybe so.
   This month make a point to notice what nice things your partner does. Say “thank-you” for each good thing – and say it loud and clear. S/he might be shocked at first, but pleased – everyone loves getting appreciation.
2. I Love You. When was the last time you told your spouse that you love him? REALLY told him – not just a “love you” as you walk out the door or hang up the phone. Probably a while. So try this:
   • Make it an event: Get your partner’s attention, look him in the eyes, smile, and say “I Love You.”
     • Yes, you might get a confused reaction at first – maybe even a suspicious one. But, presuming you are being true, it won’t be for long. If you mean it, it’ll mean something to your sweetie.
3. Take a walk – together. Go for a walk and hold hands. You used to do that…remember? Romance awareness month is the perfect time to do it again.
4. Go back to the future. What is something you used to do a lot and now you don’t? Maybe you had a favorite place. Or you had picnic dinners in a local park. Go back and do it again. Pack a sandwich (or buy one at a local deli), a favorite dessert, and a bottle of wine and head for a local park – maybe one where you can see the sunset.
   Maybe picnics weren’t your thing. What was…some local free concert, a county fair or a fireworks display? Check your local event schedule, find one and go – just the two of you!
5. Have a romantic movie night. Find a movie you both like – it doesn’t have to be gooey sweet or romantic movie. Maybe you both enjoy something funny, or scary, or a classic with Humphrey Bogart (yes, I’m thinking Casablanca). Get a bottle of wine, order a pizza, turn down the lights, sit next to each other and have a good night!

Once upon a time you did some (or all) of these? That was before the habituation of traditional marriage killed the romance.

What have you got to lose?

Yes, maybe just you will do it at first, but don’t be surprised if, after a while, s/he responds in kind. And, when s/he does, you might be surprised at what happens next – and it could very well be the return of some of those old romantic feelings.

And here’s an extra tip: Dump the technology. Make your time together “device-free.” OK, maybe not all the time, but a specific time – like dinner. Nothing says “you don’t matter” like having your conversation interrupted by a text, post or tweet.

Transition from a Traditional to a Five-Year Marriage®

Like these ideas? Want to learn more about transitioning from a traditional marriage to a Five-Year Marriage®? Here are your next steps:

• Grab a copy of the Five-Year Marriage® from Amazon
• Follow the Five-Year Marriage® on Instagram or Facebook
• Watch the Free Relationship Reset Webinar
• Sign up for the Five-Year Marriage® Newsletter
• Get your copy of the Curiosity Conversation Cheat Sheet
• Contact me, Annmarie Kelly, for 1-on-1 coaching

Btw: Don’t forget to signup for the Five-Year Marriage® Newsletter. You’ll be the first to know about free seminars, upcoming workshops and retreats and other good stuff.

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