Women spend months planning their perfect wedding day. Every last detail is given careful thought and consideration. From the bigger decisions like location, attire, vows, food, and music to the minute details like napkins and nail polish.
Everyone Wants a Picture-Perfect Wedding Day
Couples put so much time and effort into that one special day, and almost no time thinking about what happens afterward. Marriage is a huge and important step in a couple’s life together, so why don’t they spend any time planning for the actual relationship?
Divorce Rates are Up and Marriage Rates are Down
Couples aren’t planning beyond the big day because they assume the marriage will take care of itself, but statistics show that it doesn’t. There were 750,000 divorces in the United State in 2021, and the rate of marriage is falling.
Marriage is a Partnership
Few people see marriage as a partnership. But it is – and it’s the most important and most challenging one of their life. And, like any partnership, we have to put in the time to get the rhythm going and the kinks worked out.
Vision And Planning Works!
In so many other areas of our lives, we achieve our goals through vision and planning. The same techniques can be applied to marriage. Couples need to talk about their individual and shared goals and visions until they are able to find common ground. With those visions and goals in mind, they can then develop agreements they both feel good about. The process isn’t pretty but neither is resentment, disillusionment, disappointment or divorce.
Does Marriage mean I have to Give Up My Personal Power?
Here’s the thing. When my boyfriend proposed to me, I knew I wanted to share my life with him, but I didn’t want to lose my personal power like so many of my friends did when they got married. I saw strong, independent women put their own goals and dreams aside to take on unspoken roles and responsibilities. I didn’t want to end up resenting my partner or having to deal with divorce. So I came up with a better idea – I agreed to marry him for JUST FIVE YEARS.
A Better Way to Approach Marriage
We decided that at the end of five years we would sit down and honestly discuss our relationship. We also agreed to regular ‘family meetings’ where we could discuss 1 or 2 pressing issues and face them head-on rather than let resentment and animosity build up. Then, at the end of five years, if we weren’t happy, if we didn’t want to continue our lives together, we would separate amicably. This method would prevent simmering loneliness or discontent.
I’ve Been Married 7x to the Same Man!
Five years came around and we talked about the good, the bad, and where we wanted to go in the future. And that’s what we have been doing, every five years for the last 37 years! This process is so incredibly fulfilling and created so much intimacy between us that I decided it needed to be shared. I decided to write a book explaining the entire process and that’s how The Five-Year Marriage came to be! (You can grab a copy on Amazon!)
Advice for Newlyweds: Think About What Happens AFTER the Big Day
So my advice to all you engaged and newly married couples is this – enjoy your fairytale wedding day, but plan for the relationship you want after the big day has come and gone – that’s how you really get your Happily Ever After. Know that marriage is messy. Stuff happens – life changes. And when it does, it changes YOU. It changes how you think, it changes how you feel. The same thing happens to your partner.
And if you’re not keeping in touch with each other to figure out how those changes have affected your relationship, you end up going in different directions and growing apart.
Check out the Five-Year Marriage®
The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm will help you design a relationship with the one you love that makes you both equally responsible and accountable. It’s based on intention, boundaries, and accountability – the stuff that protects and grows mutual respect, love, and true intimacy so that both of you are empowered and neither of you gets left behind.
Want to learn more about the Five-Year Marriage®? Here are your next steps: