“What we had was special,” shared the recently widowed Pattie over lunch last week. With Valentine’s Day coming up, Pattie and that comment have been on my mind.
Pattie’s story of victory over multiple cancers is one of the original Victorious Woman stories. She and I kept in touch over the years. In fact, Pattie officiated my 2013 and 2018 weddings with Joseph.
Challenges During Lockdown
Pattie’s had a rough couple of years – more than those of us who’ve been struggling with covid confinements. In early 2020, Pattie had her shoulder rebuilt. As she was healing, we planned to meet for lunch. It got canceled because both our states (PA & DE) went into lockdown. Since lockdown, Pattie had her other shoulder reconstructed, two of her brothers died, and most significantly, Tom, her spouse of thirty-three years passed away.
Catching Up Over Lunch
Over our very long lunch, Pattie and I talked about everything, including and most poignantly, about Tom’s passing. Pattie’s marriage to Tom was a second marriage for both of them. He was a gentle man, a master gardener, an avid Costco shopper – who was obsessed with making sure they had enough paper products. It was the source of family comedy – until covid, when grocery store shelves were emptied of crucial supplies like TP and Tom became a hero. 🙂
An Emotional Conversation
As we talked, Pattie fought back tears describing Tom’s last year. He was in and out of the hospital a lot. Pattie knew Tom was dying but, because of covid, during hospital stays, she wasn’t allowed to visit him. She’s still angry about it. I’d be angry too! Wouldn’t you be?
How She’s Coping
Pattie is doing better than I think I would. She’s a singer, so she joined a choir. She also joined a couple of other groups, mostly on zoom. And she’s still doing weddings. Her Victorious Woman energy is kicking in for her.
As we talked, Pattie told me, “What we had was special.” It’s a comment I’ve heard from others – but, frankly, not very often. And, I wonder, why not?
What Makes a Relationship Special?
What IS Special? What makes a relationship special? Is it gifts? I don’t think so.
I don’t think any “stuff” makes anything special. You can be gifted diamonds or a car or anything and, if the energy between you and the gift-giver isn’t good, it’s just stuff. Nice stuff, maybe, but stuff.
Do you Need a Soulmate to have a Happy Marriage?
This week the airwaves are filled with relationship tips and love-ideas, including what to buy, where to eat and – this is BIG – the need for singles to find their “soulmate” because, apparently, you must find your soulmate in order to marry and be happy.
Really? Is that what makes a marriage special? I don’t think that’s it either.
What Happens When the “Magic” of Young Love Fades?
I wonder if you, like me, have heard engaged couples say they’re getting married because s/he is their soulmate. It’s magical! And maybe it is magical…for a minute. Then, a few years later, you find out that they’re divorced. Hmmmm…if their soulmate connection was so strong, what happened to the magic?
Interestingly, when I’ve heard someone say their relationship is/was “special,” the conversation doesn’t talk about a “soulmate” or focus on things or pricey dinners. The conversation focuses more on the quality of the partnership. The words they use describe things like respect, kindness, understanding – things I list under the umbrella of “emotional safety” – something that seems so very underrated in the twiitterverse but, whenever I refer to emotional safety – and it’s usually to a woman – she responds with a resounding “YES!” Meanwhile “soulmate” gets little more than a “meh.”
Are Soulmates Special?
To be honest, I’m not a soulmate skeptic. I actually believe in the soulmate experience. But I also believe we have many soulmates, and not just romantic ones. And that we meet a soulmate for a reason or a season, and sometimes for a lifetime. The meeting is usually special in that it’s purposeful, but not always a delightful experience.
What do you think?
If you’re looking for some interesting, small ways to show your love this Valentine’s Day, check out this article I posted a couple months ago: Easy-to-do-Love-Tips
Enjoy the month – SuperBowl, Valentine’s Day. President’s weekend AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEART – see your doctor!
With love and in victory,
P.S. A FAVOR…if you know someone who would be interested in knowing more about Five-Year Marriage, or the Marriage Reset, a good place to start is with The Curiosity Conversation – a few questions couples can use to get a meaningful conversation going – please forward this newsletter to her or him with a suggestion to join my mailing list? I’ll be offering discounts on classes, webinars, and books and the coupons or codes will be here. I’d very much appreciate it!!! They will too! And maybe you want to download a copy yourself! It’s free…so do it! The Curiosity Conversation