The Venice wedding was well-planned… what about the marriage?
Greetings! I hope you’re enjoying these last days of your summer.
Over the summer, one of my relatives, Aidan, got engaged. The couple announced it sometime between the Besos/Sanchez wedding and the Swift/Kelce engagement. It’s a first marriage for him and her, and they are both smart, wonderful people in their early thirties.
A few weeks ago, I talked with Aidan briefly at a family party, and his head is swimming with wedding-planning details. It’s still early for them and I know it won’t be anything like June’s Besos/Sanchez wedding, which I’m sure you know about because the pictures were everywhere. Billionaire Jeff Bezos married news anchor Lauren Sanchez in Venice Italy during a star-studded, multi-day event that, in addition to the actual wedding and wedding reception, included a Great Gatsby party, a pyjama party, and a foam party. Ninety private jets transported the 200+ guests to Italy and all those guests needed rooms, water taxis, and services. Oh, and then there were swag bags for each guest. It’s reported that the bride wore twenty-seven different outfits during the wedding extravaganza and that the event cost 50K/per person (really makes that $250/plate reception seem cheap, right?).
As I watched the news and entertainment reports that went on for days, I couldn’t help but wonder, “did they put as much effort into planning their marriage as they did their wedding?” So many couples seem to focus on the party and not the partnership. Kim Kardashian’s second wedding cost $10million and lasted 72 days. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s $1million wedding lasted two years. And, of course, the Charles and Diana nuptials cost $48 million, and though it lasted fifteen years, all the reports say it was rocky from the start.
Now I’m wondering what the fabulous Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce will do. Like Besos and Sanchez, the celebrity couple has a ton of money. Unlike Besos and Sanchez, this is a first marriage for both of them. The same thing with Aidan and his fiancé, and though they don’t have Swift/Kelce money, they will still have the pressure and stress that comes with almost every wedding. The thing is, in spite of the stress, planning a wedding is fun. But…it’s over in a day. Then the marriage starts. Then what?
Marriage Planning is No Joke
Whether for a first-time wedding or a second marriage (like Bezos-Sanchez), or like me, for the eighth time (in 2023, to the same man…for just five years), marriage planning is challenging. Life changes and, in response to those changes, each partner changes…and that changes the marriage. That’s why having a conversation…or series of conversations…with your partner is crucial to both the success of your relationship and to your personal happiness.
How to Get Started
Whatever marital stage you’re in (pre-engaged, new marriage, needing a reset). this is a good time to put a pin in the timeline of your relationship and check in with your spouse or partner. Set aside some couples time and make an actual appointment to go to a coffee shop, book store, park, beach, etc. – someplace where you can talk privately with each other. Bring yourself, your love for each other, and an open mind. Here are five questions to get you started…and, if one of these sparks more conversation than you have time for, you can space them out over a few meetings/weeks. Joseph and I do.
- Why do we want to get – or stay – married? Is it for family, companionship, love, convenience, friendship, finances? Some of these, all of them, or something else?
- Over the next five years, what kind of life do we want to build together? This can include discussions about kids, grandkids, lifestyle, values, travel, work/business, retirement, money, etc. Do you want to expand something, simplify your life, have more/less excitement, want more together time, need more personal space, or is there something else…like creating new goals, or put together a joint bucket list?
- Do we need to rethink how we divide household responsibilities? Which ones and how to do it?
- How can we better support each other? Would it help to listen better, do more check-ins, be more physically affectionate, be nice, say “thank you”, or something else?
- What fun things do we both love and how can we do more of them together?
Have fun with these – you are likely to find out some things you didn’t know. That info will give you some new perspective and give your relationship a “refresh.”
Enjoy the experience!
BTW: Please share this post with a couple you know:
Who Needs the Book?
Know a couple who are engaged, pre-engaged, living together, or ready for a reset? This book makes a great gift!
The Five-Year Marriage: Secrets, Tools, and Strategies for Reimagining Marriage So It Works for You
Have a wonderful September!
With love and in victory,
Annmarie
