Wedding season is in full bloom. Thousands of single women are changing their status on FB, Instagram, Twitter and LinkedIn. When they do, will they be happier? According to research by Mintel, a leading market intelligence company, maybe not. And their traditional marriage might be the reason.
Traditional Marriage Leads to Unhappiness
For years I saw so many of my girlfriends trade in their carefree and girlish lifestyle to become disappointed or disgruntled wives. Of course, that wasn’t what they expected on their wedding day. Their intention was to get the “happily ever after” they thought was the implied promise of marriage. However, after the kids came and especially if they were still working outside the home, they experienced a new and very different reality.
Ditching Traditional Marriage
The matter of happiness was one of my “problems” with traditional marriage. By the time I met Joseph, I’d seen enough of thorny marriages. So, while I really wanted to have a partner in life, and Joseph was the right person, I wasn’t ready to trade-in my hard-won independence for something less.
How could I prevent that disillusioning shift from happening in my marriage, and subsequently my life, that I saw in so many others?
Creating a Marriage That Isn’t Suffocating
The first step I took was creating a “deciding question” that would be my guide. It was my way of checking in with myself and my feelings. The question I chose then (and still ask myself today) was: “Am I happier now than when I was single?”
A Marriage with Reflection & Discussion
When I ask that question, and I answer honestly, I either affirm that I’m on the right track or if I’m not, I give myself permission to figure out why. Once I do, and because it’s how The Five-Year Marriage® works, I bring it up at a family meeting. Joseph, my partner, and I have a conversation about it. We make adjustments as needed. These conversations allow us to air our grievances, affirm what’s working and figure out a way to move forward, together.
Family Meetings are the highway both Joseph and I travel to ensure we are getting what we both need. They are a two-way street.
Give it a try.
Take the First Step
Get quiet and ask yourself: Am I happier now than when I was single? WAIT for the answer. It might come fast or slow. It could surface as a word, or as a feeling, or maybe even an impulse. Pay attention, make some notes, have a family meeting.
Discover a New Approach to Marriage!
The Five-Year Marriage® doesn’t mean five years and you’re out. It’s grounded in the reality that things change and people change. Because they do, from time to time you need to rethink, reorganize, and reset your relationship. Five years is a good time frame for doing it.
When you do, you get a fresh start. Your “new” marriage will reflect who you are now, not who you were five years ago, or even on your wedding day – before you had kids, moved, changed jobs or careers, or had that big fight.
Want to learn more about transitioning from a traditional marriage to a Five-Year Marriage®? Here are your next steps:
- Grab a copy of the Five-Year Marriage® from Amazon
- Follow the Five-Year Marriage® on Instagram or Facebook
- Watch the Free Relationship Reset Webinar
- Sign up for the Five-Year Marriage® Newsletter
- Get your copy of the Curiosity Conversation Cheat Sheet
- Contact me, Annmarie Kelly, for 1-on-1 coaching
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