The Five-Year Marriage®, Your Partner, And Chemistry

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers Couples Fresh Marriage Advice 

The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm offers couples who are considering a more serious commitment an alternative to traditional marriage. The Five-Year Marriage can shift your perspective about marriage, help you think beyond the wedding day, and consider the importance of finding a compatible partner. I’m Annmarie Kelly, author of The Five-Year Marriage. My husband and I have built a life together for 30+ years, taking each of our marriages only five years at a time. Now, you can too. 

The Importance Of Chemistry In A Relationship 

All couples have heard before that in order to have a successful relationship there has to be some level of chemistry between both partners. What exactly is chemistry, through? Why is it important to a long-term relationship? 

Most commonly, couples think of two kinds of chemistry that come with relationships. there’s romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry. Romantic chemistry is what leads to the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling that many find so thrilling at the beginning of a relationship. Sexual chemistry, of course, is what leads couples to feel that draw of magnetism and “heat” for one another. While both of these forms of chemistry are important in a relationship, neither are the attraction, or chemistry, that is most important. After all, both of these feelings can fade with time. You simply can’t build a lasting relationship on something so temporary. 

Find A Partner You Have Emotional Chemistry With 

Emotional chemistry is a powerful feeling. It’s a sensation that is hard to put in definite terms. When you have good emotional chemistry with someone, you “just click.” You feel like you’re on the same wavelength. This attraction and connection is essential for a Five-Year Partner. Learn more about finding emotional chemistry in The Five-Year Marriage. 

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage® or contact me today

What Are Good Qualities For A Five-Year Partner?

relationship advice, when I'm sorry isn't enough

Looking For The Right Partner For The Five-Year Marriage® 

Although some of the expectations and practices around marriage have changed over the years, couples who are together in the long term are still largely expected to formalize their relationship through marriage. Some engaged couples find, however, that the “forever” style commitment of traditional commitment isn’t for them. An alternative can be found in The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage ParadigmI’m Annmarie Kelly, and I welcome engaged couples to consider the benefits of The Five-Year Marriage® 

Finding The Right Partner Is The Key To A Solid Relationship 

No matter your reasons for getting married – whether for love, finances, or children – the relationship is made much easier with both partners are compatible with one another. When you are interested in a Five-Year Marriage® style of commitment, you also have to make sure that your partner is suited to The Five-Year Marriage® plan.  

What Qualities Make For A Good Five-Year Partner? 

In The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm, I detail qualities that can make someone a potential candidate for a Five-Year Marriage®. There are, of course, many metrics by which you might measure how well-suited a partner is for you. However, over the years I have identified seven “must haves” for partners who want toThe Five-Year Marriage®. I call thee these“must haves” The Solid Seven. They offer you fast feedback on potential partners, even early on in your relationship. To learn more about The Solid Seven, read The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Singles, Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today

The Five-Year Marriage: Advice For Couples

five year marriage happy couple

The Five-Year Marriage Provides Great Relationship Advice 

So many people want to achieve their happily ever after through marriage, and yet many people also acknowledge that marriages often fail. Couples who are wary of the topic of marriage but who are interested in committing to one another can find an alternative to traditional marriage The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage ParadigmI’m Annmarie Kelly, and The Five-Year Marriage is the plan by which my husband and I have shared the past 30+, taking it only 5 years at a time. 

The Five-Year Marriage: Advice For Couples 

Should you choose to enter a five-year marriage with your partner, you will work together to determine the terms of your five-year marriage. You will form an agreement that you will assess at the end of your five-year term and then determine, as a pair, if you’re ready to continue with another five-year marriage. Traditional marriages are often built on assumptions past the marriage day. You promised ‘forever,’ so that’s the plan that married couples feel they have to stick to regardless of changes in their lives. The five-year marriage, on the other hand, encourages couples to acknowledge change, to make room for it in their relationship, and to not take each other for granted. 

In addition to offering an alternative option for marriage, The Five-Year Marriage offers great advice for couples. Even couples who aren’t entirely sure if a five-year marriage plan is for them can benefit from a new perspective on relationships and commitment. Get your copy of The Five-Year Marriage today for relationship advice for you and your partner. 

The Five-Year Marriage Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today

Should A Marriage Be A ‘Forever’ Agreement?

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Are You Really Ready For ‘Forever’? Marriage Advice For Engaged Couples 

Engaged couples, if the ‘forever’ aspect of marriage makes you feel uneasy, you aren’t alone. Forever is a long time – longer than any one person can truly comprehend. What if you could get married without ‘forever’ hanging over your head? My name is Annmarie Kelly, and I’d like to introduce you to the idea of The Five-Year Marriage®. Through The Five-Year Marriage®, I’ve been with my husband for 30+ years, each time agreeing to be married for 5 years. You can learn more about this type of marriage in The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm. 

Why Is Marriage Supposed To Be Forever? 

Traditionally, marriage is said to last “‘til death do you part.” Why? 

Well, historically speaking, the “til death” period wasn’t all that long. For example, in the early 1900s men got married around the age of 25. Life expectancy for men was around 46 years of age. So, a marriage would last around 20 years.  

Today, the “til death” period is much, much longer. Life expectancy has changed drastically, and a couple marrying in their 20s could easily expect to live until their 80s or later! That’s 60 years total together. Nothing stays the same over the course of sixty years – not people, and not the world they live in. 

“Forever” Marriage Encourages Couples To Take Their Relationship For Granted 

Because marriages as “supposed” to last forever, couples rarely actually plan for how to make a marriage work. Married couples often assume it’ll just happen. They love each other and it should just work out because of that love, right? 

Unfortunately, relationships don’t work that way. Relationships take work, communication, and a willingness by both parties to stick to their plans together. That is what The Five-Year Marriage® encourages couples to work for. In your five-year marriage, you and your partner decide together what you expect out of your five-year commitment. You can’t take for granted that you’ll stay together forever because your contact with each other lasts only 5 years. It forces both parties to put the work necessary into making the relationship thrive. If you’re ready to learn how to do that, read The Five-Year Marriage with your partner. 

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers The Best Advice For Engaged And Married Couples 

I’m Annmarie Kelly. Over my career as an author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to help and empower many women. Now, I’m offering much-needed advice to engaged and married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage® can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact me today

Hey Dear Abby: Don’t Tell Women in Relationships to “Suck it Up.”

better marriage advice - dear abby

I have always wanted to be his wife,” explained the forty-something woman looking for relationship advice from Dear Abby. She was talking about her live-in boyfriend of five years. She laments, “I want to get married and he knows it. We have discussed it — but every time I bring it up (and I always bring it up, he never does), he has an excuse. He says it’s only a piece of paper, we’ve both already been married, I have some debt, etc…. I am tired of being just “the girlfriend.” She signed her letter “Wants the Piece of Paper.”

In her response, Dear Abby tells her that “if he feels as strongly about you as you do him, he may come around one day, but there are no guarantees. And yes, you will have to ‘suck it up’ if you’re not prepared to leave, and while you’re doing that, make the best of it.”

Women Should Put Up With Being Unhappy? Really, Dear Abby?

The woman is clearly unhappy with things as they are; she feels powerless. Every woman in a relationship knows that sucking it up and making the best of it is what women have been doing for ages – to our detriment. We know how being consistently dissatisfied with your most intimate relationship will eat away at your self-esteem. That lack of self-esteem will permeate every part of your life until you are living a “half-life.”

However, at the same time, her sweetie has a real reason for concern. While most people know that nearly half of all first marriages end in divorce, few know that second marriages only have a 40% chance of success. So if she thinks marriage will seal some permanent deal, or guarantee some happily ever after, she’s wrong.

Based on a 2019 report from Pew Research, 55% of adults think couples are just as well off if they stay together without ever getting married, compared to 45% who think long-term couples ought to get married eventually. And 69% say cohabitation is just fine with or without plans to get married. At the same time, the success rate isn’t any better than with marriage.

The Two Questions to Ask Yourself & Your Partner About Marriage

There are two questions “Wants the Piece of Paper” Lady needs to ask. The first one is why it’s so important to be married. She wants the piece of paper, but why? What is it about being married that matters?

The Pew report found that married couples experience greater trust and higher levels of satisfaction. Is that her reason? Or is it about health insurance, taxes, security, legal issues…or something else? For example, unless there are legal papers in place, couples who live together don’t have first rights if their sweetie gets sick. If her sweetie got sick, his parents and children have more to say about his health care than she does. They can even restrict her visitation rights.

The second question is “why is he so adamant against it?” Was his divorce so devastating that he can’t face the risk of a repeat? Is it about freedom, money and alimony, or is he hiding something – like does he have secret property or a mistress on the side? OR, is the idea of vowing to be together “for better or for worse” until you’re dead terrifying to her sweetie? He’s been through it once. He knows how life changes and couples change. It can get ugly.

So what can they do and be happy?

The Five-Year Marriage® Offers a Better Way to Do “I DO”

What “Wants the Piece of Paper” Lady could suggest is The Five-Year Marriage. She can start with a Curiosity Conversation to find out if he’s open to a short-term (five years), agile marriage. Then she and her sweetie can make agreements about their relationship now – ones they can agree to live with – for just five years. At the end of five years they can continue some of those agreements, renegotiate others, or toss out the ones that aren’t working and replace them with more doable ones….or another five years.

What the The Five-Year Marriage does is help couples sort out their thoughts and feelings and translate them into spoken promises based on clear and written understandings. The Five-Year Marriage contract is NOT a pre-nup – which is usually mostly about money, property, etc. Instead, Five-Year Marriage agreements can include decisions about shared values, shared household responsibilities, budgets, children from the previous relationship, holidays, friends, in-laws, free time, date nights, and any of the things most couples ignore until there’s a problem.

Solve Marriage Problems with Agreements & Family Meetings

In the Five-Year Marriage, couples keep track of themselves and their agreements through family meetings. over time they get better at and more comfortable with accountability, communication skills, problem solving, and negotiation.

At the end of five years, the couple sees where they are, where they’ve been, how they’ve changed and where they want to go – and if they still want to go together.

For Wants the Piece of Paper Lady, maybe after a Five-Year Marriage discussion, she might decide she’s happier just living together. Or her sweetie could feel comfortable enough to take the step toward changing his marital status.

The Five Year Marriage by Annmarie Kelly Book Cover Art

Either one is better than living stressed and unhappy in “suck it up” mode.

Learn more about The Five-Year Marriage here: The Five-Year Marriage

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The Fix for the Biggest Marriage Problems

a fix for the biggest marriage problems

Getting married soon? Or are you a newlywed? This is the kind of relationship advice millions of divorced or married-but-unhappy women and men wish they had gotten sooner, when they were single.

If you’re in a committed relationship, and marriage is on the horizon (or you got married in the last couple of years), this is a heads-up. A recent article in Brides Magazine got my attention. The article lists the 6 biggest problems in marriage:

  • Disinterest,
  • spending habits,
  • jealousy,
  • going in different directions,
  • intimacy, and
  • boredom.

From my experience, I can agree – it’s a good list.

Are you experiencing them yet? If you haven’t yet, you will! It’s inevitable…but not hopeless, if…before you that walk down the aisle, you take some time together to think things out and make some agreements. What about? Read on…

Are these the same relationship problem?

Of the six problems listed, three of them – disinterest, boredom, and different directions – are in the same family. That means they could have the same root cause: a lack of caring and/or excessive self-interest or selfishness. Think about it. If you are into something and I’m not part of it, why not? Do I see it as “that’s your thing, not mine” and disengage? Or do you just not want me to be involved in things like your career, hobbies, friends?

Either way, eventually one of us is going to feel hurt, then I’ll get angry or bored – first with what you do, and then with you. Next I’m going to feel resentful. After a while I’m going to think “screw you” and find something that makes me happy. I decide to “do my own thing” – without you. Before either of us realizes it, we’ll have our own lives and, if we stay together, our common ground for conversation will be the kids. We’ll only get together as a couple for dinner with friends, holidays, weddings, and funerals.  

It happens. A lot! You already know at least one married couple like that, right? Maybe that’s what you saw your parents do when you were growing up. Or are watching it happen now to your best friend.

OK, you think, “that’s about them but it won’t be me.” True…for now. Today it seems like you won’t ever lose interest in your sweetie because s/he is so smart or funny or whatever. And you love football or soccer or dancing or music too (or whatever s/he is passionate about), so no problem…right? Wrong!

A few years from now, when life invades your love pod and you have a thousand things on your plate with four of them pressing hard on your brain, you won’ t give a flip about the latest news related to that passion. In fact, just hearing about it will set you off and could easily result in an argument and some icy feelings.

You don’t want that to happen, right? It doesn’t have to, but it’s up to you and your partner.

What Can You Do About Your Marriage Problems Today?

Your marriage is a partnership. Like all good partnerships, both partners look at the known problems and figure out how to handle them before they happen. It helps you in the short-term because you’re creating a pattern for problem-solving between you. Down the road, when unknown challenges come you way, you’ll already have a format for solving them and some history of success.

Figuring how to handle a problem in advance is a behavioral technique you are probably already familiar with from Weight Watchers. What WW tells you is to recognize what you crave (like chocolate or pizza) and, being honest, know you’ll crave it at some point. So, before you get into trouble, figure out a good alternative to that thing, e.g. a WW treat or low-cal pizza. Then, when you get that craving, you already know what to do and won’t sabotage yourself. The same with emotions. If you know you always eat when you are angry or depressed, WW tells you to recognize the “trigger” or warning sign and set up a system of what to do instead of eating that hot fudge sundae.

Of course, your marriage isn’t WW but the concept is the same. You look at a well-known issue (like any of the 6 mentioned here) and figure out a solution. You ask “how will we know it’s happening?” or “what are some things we can do to prevent that from happening?” And, like WW, you have regular meetings – Family Meetings – where you step away from your daily routine and focus on your relationship.

Big Benefits for Making Relationship Agreements

What you two are figuring out is how to create equality in your partnership. When you start early – while living together, during your engagement, or even early in your marriage – you get into a healthy pattern. You do it before anger, resentment and hurt feelings dominate, or before you think you’re being ignored or disrespected.

In addition, and this is one of the beauties of the Five-Year Marriage, you already know that things in life and in your relationship, are going to change. So you talk about them in advance and start figuring out your how-to-do-it and create a set of agreements now. Over time, some of those things will naturally need adjustments as jobs change, children come along, money problems creep in and more. As you live your life, and your marriage, you can make conscious adjustments along the way In The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage Paradigm there is a whole chapter dedicated to things you need to talk about together, including lifestyle preferences and your agreements. Taking time to discuss those things is crucial to the long-term happiness of your relationship. Admittedly, planning your marriage is not as much fun as planning your wedding, but it’s way better than planning a divorce.

The Agile Marriage

Marriage is like life (with or without a partner). It’s a series of challenges, and a lot of curve balls get thrown your way. The secret of success for your Five-Year Marriage, for any marriage, is that you two regularly review your agreements. You decide what’s working and what’s not. You can either keep them as is, renegotiate parts that aren’t working, or ditch the bad ones and make new ones. You aren’t stuck “’til death” with any of them. And, because you’ve been working together, it isn’t scary or uncomfortable.

The difference can be profound, The choice is yours.

A Marriage Plan With Room For Growth And Change

Starting over, midlife transformation after 40

Engaged Couples: Consider The Five-Year Marriage’s Marriage Advice 

For couples who are considering marriage and newlyweds looking for marriage advice, consider reading Annmarie Kelly’s The Five-Year Marriage: Shifting the Marriage ParadigmThis unique approach to marriage is a game-changer for couples who want to leave room for growth and change in their relationship. The Five-Year Marriage has allowed Annmarie Kelly and her husband to experience growth alongside one another as a couple for the last 30 years by taking it just five years at a time. Now you can do the same! 

Tips For Newlyweds: Expect Change And Allow Growth 

Nothing and no one ever remains the same, which is why, for many people, a ‘til death marriage can seem so intimidating. The truth is, that the ‘til death idea of marriage is outdated. While it might have made sense about 100 years ago when life expectancy was much lower and you could expect to be dead by 50 or 60, it doesn’t make much sense now. 

The Five-Year Marriage is a marriage that allows – and expects – changes. Every five years, you and your partner approach your marriage with fresh eyes. You have the opportunity to rethink your relationship and consider your priorities. This plan allows you and your partner the room to grow and become your best selves together while experience safety, love, and mutual respect and trust. 

The Five-Year Marriage is the key to marrying your partner with clear expectations, understanding, and respect for one another. It is perhaps the most useful piece of advice for marriage that newlyweds or couples considering marriage. Don’t feel stuck in your marriage by succumbing to the pressure to do things the way they’ve always been done. Choose the marriage style that allows both you and your partner a level of independence and safety that will encourage you to feel closer and more intimate. 

Annmarie Kelly’s The Five-Year Marriage Offers The Best Marriage Advice 

Annmarie Kelly is a successful author, empowerment speaker, radio host, and victory strategist. She has made a career out of empowering and helping out women. Now, she offers much-needed advice to married couples who are looking for an alternative to traditional marriage. If you want to learn more about how The Five-Year Marriage can offer you the advice you and your partner have been looking for, click through to read more about The Five-Year Marriage or contact Annmarie Kelly