Is Someone Stepping on Your Toes?

boundaries for midlife happiness

Stepping on your toes, invading your space, crossing a line, ignoring your wishes – whatever you call it, when somebody does it to you, it feels bad. It means they went beyond your personal limits, also known as boundaries. Your boundaries are a reflection of your personal Identity. They define who you are and area measure of your self-worth.

Boundaries are Important for Women’s Empowerment

Boundaries are important for you to have. When someone doesn’t respect them, it says that person doesn’t respect you. You feel like you don’t matter.

Also, and more often than you – or anyone – would like to admit, when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, you feel powerless, even unsafe. Safety is a too-often unexpressed or hidden fear, especially in women.

In the workplace, it could be anything from office gossip or dumping extra work on you to asking you to do something inappropriate. In relationships it can include interrupting, over talking, muzzling, criticizing, yelling, and physical violence….and those are just the big ones.

When it happens to you, what do you do? I used to suck it up. Then, in therapy, the therapist told me I had terrible boundaries. He was correct, and I knew it. I needed to make a change. I did.

If you know what I mean, and want to make a change too, read on…

How Midlife Women Can Create a New Boundary

The thing about boundaries is that very often you don’t know what your boundaries are. You can turn that around. Here are four steps you can take:

  1. Decide on the boundary or boundaries you want. Pick a period of time (a week or a month). Notice what happens and pay attention to how you feel. Do you have a co-worker who consistently interrupts you during meetings, You’re annoyed, yes, but why?
    Does one of your friends talk down to you, and when s/he does, you feel “less than” or stupid? Is it the words, the tone of voice, or something else?
    When you and your spouse argue, does s/he go from 0-10 on the anger scale fast and starts yelling? What happens inside you?
  2. Once you identify the offending behavior, figure out what you want instead. This is is important because  you can’t just complain. It’s unproductive. For example, you want the co-worker to hear you out before speaking, or your friend needs to change the tone, or nobody – not even your spouse – can yell at you.
  3. Decide how you will tell the offending person. When you have a boundary, you have to know what to do when someone crosses it. That can be a challenge – especially if you were raised in “good girl” mode. So you have to know what to say.
    Start by giving the other person the benefit of the doubt; many people don’t even recognize what they’re doing. So sometimes a simple “I don’t know if you realize it but you [behavior] and when that happens, it makes me feel [your reaction]. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t’ do that anymore.” Chances are that person will be surprised, and apologize. And then you can let them know that you’ll have to stop them if it happens again.
    If the offending behavior doesn’t change, create a signal –  word (like STOP!) or a gesture (Like a “talk to the hand” sign)
  4. Practice. Like anything you do in life, you aren’t going to get good at boundaries right off the bat. You’re likely to experience stressful signs, like a red face or fast heartbeat. That’s normal. It’ll get better with practice.

Live a Life You LOVE!

You deserve to live the life you love with a good sense of self-worth and the feeling of emotional and physical safety. Boundaries will go a very long way in giving those to you!
Start now! If you need help creating a life you love, check out my Savvy Sizzle “No Regrets” Workshop!

#victoriousWoman #Women’s Empowerment #MidlifeREinveniotn #confidnece #Self-Worth

Kristen Edens on Friday Happy Hour

Kristen Edens on Friday Happy HourKristen Reed Edens was like a lot of people during the financial meltdown of 2009. Fate stepped and changed her fate – affecting her career, her finances, and her marriage. But, you know the saying, you can’t keep a good woman down. Kris story is as inspirational as it is practice. If you’re thinking about a reinvention or a new/next chapter, you’ll like Kris’ story.

Kristen Edens, is a personal finance and business expert helping those over 50 manage the new midlife. Find out more about Kris at www.kristhescribbler.com  and on her Grandparents-in-Business FB pagehttps://www.facebook.com/groups/1696495883927556/

Here are the two links Annmarie & Kris talked about: Second Act Super Powers and Building Your Second Act

NEWS!! The 2018 Girlfriend Gala preparations are in full swing! Here’s what you need to know, and where you can register: 2018 Girlfriend Gala

Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST.
Call-in: 610-701-9243

You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to!

  • In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
  • Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
  • On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio.Call-in: 610-701-9243

Not sure when Annmarie is on in your time zone? Find out here: Time Zone Converter
Miss a show? Catch up on the VICTORY CHICKS RADIO podcasts! Now on YouTube!

STILL: Don’t let this word fool you into changing how you act

Still. I used to think of it as an innocuous word. Sometimes peaceful, like, “In the still of the night I can hear the song of nightingales.” Sometimes it can be even sweet: “Even after twenty years I’m still in love with my spouse.”

Recently, however, I’ve been thinking “still” is an evil word.

I first noticed the wickedness of “still” a couple years ago when I read Gloria Steinem’s most recent book, My Life on the Road. In it, the eighty-four year old feminist icon said the thing that shocked her so much about aging was the word “still.” Steinem explained that, in the normal course of writing and speaking, she noticed that people started asking “are you still doing that?”

At first, Steinem thought it was odd that people would ask if she was “still” doing the work that she’s done most of her life. Then she realized the question was age-related. The question was more like, “why are you doing that now…at your age.”

When I read it, I thought it was curious. But I didn’t relate. So getting “stilled” was about Gloria. Not me.

STILL: A new understanding as a midlife woman.

However, a few months ago I was looking around for a new car, one with a manual transmission. Yes, I know. Nobody drives them anymore. Except, apparently, just me and a few thousand other people in the US (it’s different overseas).

I learned to drive on an automatic, but once I got the hang of driving stick, I found it way more fun…and never bought an automatic again. However, there are very few car makers who offer a manual transmission, so it’s slim pickings. I complained.

At first friends just said, “you should just buy an automatic.”  Boring…

Then after I bought my new, fully-loaded Mazda six-speed – that’s when some of them – too many, in fact – used the “S” word: “are you still driving a stick shift?”
At first, like Gloria, it surprised me. After all, if I always buy a car with a manual transmission, why wouldn’t I get that kind of car?

Don’t let others use STILL to make you let go of your youthful habits!

It reminded me of the day my sister-in-law expressed her shock that my mother, then in her late seventies, was still wearing high heels. “I don’t even wear them anymore,” she exclaimed. But my mom always wore heels…and did until she was in her mid-eighties.

When it was her time to stop wearing them, she did. When it was her time. Then she started wearing flats. When it’s time for me to drive an automatic, I will. Until then, I’ll STILL drive stick shift.

See how “still” sensitive I’ve become? And it’s Gloria’s fault.

Take a moment to think – has anyone used STILL on you?

What about you? Is there anything YOU aren’t doing because someone is still-ing you?

OK…if it’s your kid asking you why you still wear those granny panties you bought at Wal-mart, she’s right. 😉

Stand up to anyone implying you should act “older”

However, if your kids are asking why you still want to work, still want to start your own business, still want to get your degree – or an advanced degree, still want to do so much volunteer work… remind them you’re still the mother and it’s your life and your business and to butt out.

Or try some guilt (that’s my Italian showing). Like…tell them you would have done it sooner if you hadn’t been raising them.
And if that doesn’t work, tell them two words. You know the two I’m talking about…

Us midlife women know when it’s the right time to change, until then, shine on!

#VictoriousWoman, #VictoryIsContagious, #StrongWomen, #MidlifeMakeover, #OneLifeToLive, #NewBeginnings

RadioWrap-Up.5.18.18: Spunky Old Broad

Gayle Carson on Friday Happy hourAre you a Spunky Old Broad? If you aren’t, this show may turn you around. At this week’s Friday Happy Hour, we’re talking reinvention with a twist with the original Spunky Old Broad, Gayle Carson. Tune in and find out what you’re missing!
Dr. Gayle Carson is affectionately known as Dr. Gayle, S.O.B. Spunky Old Broad. She believes in being the best YOU, you can be. Having worked in 50 countries and 49 states, she now hosts 16 radio shows a month and appears on TV at least twice a month. An author, coach, speaker and media personality, Gayle believes women are like fine wine–they get better with age. Learn more:  spunkyoldbroad.com and FB: spunkyoldbroad1 or gaylencarson
Watch Gayle’s free media tips video
Want to join me, Jenn Frederick, Theresa Hummel Krallinger and The Girlfreinds at the Girlfriend Gala this year? We’d love to have you! Discount ends on May 22: Register Here
#Women’sEmpowerment, #FridayHappyHour, #MidlifeReinventions, #NextChapter

Podcast Now Available!

Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST.
Call-in: 610-701-9243

You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to!

  • In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
  • Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
  • On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio
  • And you can call-in: 610-701-9243

Not sure when Annmarie is on in your time zone? Find out here: Time Zone Converter
Happy Hour Radio is now available as a podcast on youtube! Catch up on past episodes & don’t forget to subscribe! Victory Chicks Radio Podcast.

Gettysburg and Ghosts on the Friday Happy Hour

Gettysburg is famous for two things: what happened there on July 1-3, 1863 and President Lincoln’s famous Gettysburg Address four months later. The battle of Gettysburg was the turning point of the Civil War. Around 50,000 Confederate and Union soldiers lost their lives at Gettysburg and it’s said that many of their souls are still around.

This week we’re mixing history and the supernatural with historian Mike Nesbitt. Mike says that Gettysburg is the most haunted town in the country. I’m going to ask him why…and so much more.

Mark Nesbitt was a National Park Service Ranger/Historian for five years at Gettysburg before starting his own research and writing company. He has published over twenty books including the national award-winning Ghosts of Gettysburg series, two Ghost Hunters Field Guides and Civil War Ghost Trails. In 1994, he created the Ghosts of Gettysburg Candlelight Walking Tours based on stories from his books.
Learn more about Mike, including his books and ghost tours: Gettysburg Ghosts
You can also find Mike’s books on Amazon: Ghosts of Gettysburg

Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST.
Call-in: 610-701-9243

You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to!

  • In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
  • Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
  • On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio.Call-in: 610-701-9243

Not sure when Annmarie is on in your time zone? Find out here: Time Zone Converter
Miss a show? Catch up on the VICTORY CHICKS RADIO podcasts! Now on YouTube!

RadioWrapUp.6.9.17: The Art of Moving

Are you relocating for a job, or downsizing, or moving to an over 55 or CCRC community? Feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of decluttering, packing and starting over? Ali Wenzke knows that feeling. She moved 10 times in 11 years. If anyone can help, Ali can!

After so many moves, Ali settled down in the Chicago suburbs with her husband and three children. She doesn’t plan on moving any time soon. BUT, these day’s Ali is helping the millions of people who move each year by providing practical tips on how to make moving a happy experience on her website, The Art of Happy Moving. Ali’s website has a free resources page that is a one-stop shop for moving. You’ll find free moving checklists as well as links to rental trucks, moving calculators, movers that will donate your food for you, city walk scores, and more. Stay tuned for Ali’s upcoming book, The Art of Happy Moving.

Ali is joining Annmarie Kelly at the Friday Happy Hour to talk about how you can start now to make that move easier and happier.

Annmarie with Ainsley Earhardt
Annmarie with Ainsley Earhardt

I mentioned meeting Ainsley Earhardt. If you want to take a look at the book, here’s a Take Heart My Child.

Neil Patrick Harris and Lemony Snicket at bookexpo17
Neil Patrick Harris and Lemony Snicket at bookexpo17

And here’s one of Neil Patrick Harris (left) and Lemony Snicket (Daniel Handle – right).

The man in the middle – I think his name is Matt Harris – was the moderator.

Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST. You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to! You can tune in to the Friday Happy Hour:

Call-in#: 610-701-9243

Not sure when Annmarie is on in your time zone? Find out here: Time Zone Converter

Did you miss a show or an interview you really wanted to hear?
Do you want MORE Happy Hour?
No problem! You can listen anytime, anywhere:
VICTORY CHICKS RADIO podcasts! Now on YouTube!

RadioWrapUp.5.5.17: Revivement

Don’t call it retirement; call it revivement!
Gloria Dunn-Violin visited the Friday Happy Hour to talk with Annmarie Kelly about her second book, Revivement: Having a Life After Making a Living. After years of corporate life working with organizational behavior and development and 10 years as an award-winning public relations professional Gloria Dunn-Violin is relishing her third career speaking, writing, and giving workshops and webinars on how to have a life after retirement.
Through all of her careers, her goal has always been to help people have their best life possible. She also writes a monthly column for the North Bay Business Journal and has appeared on TV, radio and in the press nationwide. Learn more about Gloria at www.revivementbook.com and https://www.nowwhatrcoach.com.
For Gloria’s coupon offer, send her email at gloria@havingalifenow.com
Today I talked about Victorious Woman Month and mentioned a   2015 article about accomplished women who outside their rich spouses. Here’s the article: Celebs dating celebs. Let me know what you think

Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST.
Call-in: 610-701-9243

You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to!

  • In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
  • Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
  • On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio.Call-in: 610-701-9243

Not sure when Annmarie is on in your time zone? Find out here: Time Zone Converter
Happy Hour Radio is now available as a podcast on youtube! Catch up on past episodes & don’t forget to subscribe! Victory Chicks Radio Podcast.

Is Social Media Making You Sick?

You know, Victory Chicks, and you guys, ever since our presidential election last November, there has been so much acrimony. I’ve never seen anything like it in my whole life. Have you?

It seems like our country is more divided than ever before. And, with the popularity of social media, everyone has a lot of space to vent their negative feelings without censoring for hate.

All that negativity has me thinking about my health. And yours. What affect will all the rancor you read online have on your body and your mind? If every time you look at Facebook or Twitter and read something that pushes the anger button inside of you, are you damaging your physical and mental health? The experts say you very well could be!

Studies show that positive thinking can do things like increase your life span, lower rates of depression, help you body heal and even boost your resistance to the common cold. However, just as positive thinking can create a placebo effect and help you heal, negative thinking can make you sick. One researcher calls it the “nocebo effect.”

More and more I’m remembering the words of several past guests from my Friday Happy Hour radio Show. They talked about the power of positive and negative thinking. Several guests cited different research that indicates that it takes at least seven positive thoughts to counteract one negative one.

If that’s true – or even half-true – cheezLouise, after reading some of those Facebook posts, you would have to spend the rest of the day in meditation to undo all that negativity!

Are you experiencing “nocebo?”

Have you noticed It? It’s probably something like this: You’re having a good day and feeling good. Then you read some FB post that reminds you that you aren’t happy with what’s going on politically. Or you read something that is contrary to your particular political ideology. You get ticked off. You join in. Maybe you just hit “like” or maybe you add your two cents to the comments. Then you go about your day.

The problem is, whether you realize it or not, that anger you felt when you read that post will stay with you for the rest of the day. That can’t be good, can it? Where’s the victory in that??

If you doubt the “nocebo effect” consider how many people got sick this past winter. People didn’t just get the typical two or three day cold or flu. So many people got colds they couldn’t shake. How many times did you hear someone say it was the worst cold they ever remember having? Could all the negativity and acrimony in cyberspace and on the air waves have anything to do with it? The people at the Mayo Clinic think so. Check this out: Mayo Clinic Stress
So now it’s spring. We’re surrounded by all of nature’s beautiful new beginnings. Maybe it’s a good time to take a few minutes to stop and soak in all the joy of it. And then ask, “are my thoughts and words making me healthy or sick?”

Listen, politicians come and go. Policies change. But you? You have just one life to live. Are you loving it? If you aren’t, do something about it.
If it’s social media, unplug for a while. I recently had lunch with a woman who did exactly that. She’s surprised that (1) she hasn’t missed it and (2) she feels better and more at peace.

Maybe it’s not all your social media. Maybe it’s someone in particular. You can unfriend that person.

If it isn’t politics, what is it?

A couple years ago, my friend, MJ Hitz, was diagnosed with Lymphedema. It shows up in her legs. She wears compression garments all the time and has to wear different size shoes on each foot. There’s nothing she can do about her physical condition – it’ll be like that for the rest of her life.

Instead of letting the horribleness of what is happening to her body destroy her, she went on offense. She got involved in getting the Lymphedema Treatment Act passed through Congress. Passing that will be a huge financial help to those with Lymphedema and their families.

In the process of becoming an advocate, MJ went to DC and talked to members of Congress. She’s connected with others who share the same illness. They’re finding solutions that help make a very bad situation more tolerable.

MJ wouldn’t wish Lymphedema on anyone, but she decided she wasn’t going to become of victim of it. That’s the kind of thing you need to do too.
Twenty years from now, you won’t remember who said what…but your body and mind will still be experiencing the effects of all that negativity. Is it worth it? If you don’t think so, and you probably don’t either.

Here are three things to do right now:

  • Be proactive about your thinking. Pay attention to what words come out of your mouth. In my SKillBuilder and Victorious Woman Workshops, I suggest putting a rubber band on your wrist and, each time something negative pops into your thoughts or out of your mouth, snap the band. If you’re wrist gets red and sore, you’ll know you’re carping way over the healthy limit.
  • Step away from the negativity. Recently, five people have told me that they got off Facebook because of all the toxicity. Unfriending is really easy to do. DO it!
  • If you are feeling like a victim, figure out what you can do to get in control. If it’s politics, stop griping and go to a meeting of your political party. Then volunteer to do something…make phone calls, knock on doors, talk to Congress, get somebody coffee. Doing something allows you to get back into the driver’s seat of your life.

Remember: Nobody can steal your joy without your permission. Don’t give it to them!

And don’t miss the Friday Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly. Her guests always have something victoriously positive and upbeat to share.

  • In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
  • Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
  • On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio.Call-in: 610-701-9243

3.17.17 RadioWrapUp: Midlife&Clarity

Are you a woman over forty standing at the midlife crossroads? That’s where Mary Collier was. She lived just long enough to experience both great success, personal tragedy and financial devastation. It took a while to put her life back together. Mary is talking about it at the Friday Happy Hour. And she has tips for you for finding clarity, purpose and true wealth.

Mary F. Collier is a best-selling author and the founder of CorePowered® Entrepreneurs, Mary helps women at midlife transition to discover their true self and create a life and business that lights their fire and feeds their soul.   She is dedicated to empowering women entrepreneurs around the world to make an impact and leave a legacy that matters, doing what they love.

Here’s more Happy Hour for you:

  • Want to make sure you can have corn beef and cabbage today: Catholic Dispensation
  • Have you joined me on Facebook yet? VictoriousWomanProject
  • Will you be joining me for this year’s Girlfriend Gala? Info & Registration
  • Did you know.…if you want to hear an old episode of the Friday Happy Hour, check out my You Tube channel. If it’s not there now, check back. More episodes are uploaded every week! Victory Chicks Radio
  • Want that recipe I talked about? It’s sooooo good, and easy to make:

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

 Mama Morrissey’s Irish Soda Bread

  • 5 cups of flour
  • 6 teaspoons of baking powder
  • 1 1/2 cups raisins
  • 1 cup of sugar
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 3 cups buttermilk
  • dash of salt

Mix all the ingredients well. Pour into a cast iron skillet. Start baking at 400 degrees for 15 minutes, then reduce heat to 300 degrees and bake for 1 hour.
Cool for one hour before cutting into slices. You can speed up the cooling part by slicing off two ends. It lets the heat escape faster.
It’s really good with melted butter.  ENJOY!!!

    • If you try this recipe, let me know what you think. You can comment below

 

Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST.
Call-in: 610-701-9243

You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to!

  • In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
  • Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
  • On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio.Call-in: 610-701-9243

Not sure when Annmarie is on in your time zone? Find out here: Time Zone Converter

3.10.17 RadioWrap-Up. Cathy Sikorski on Caregiving

Happy Hour friend, Cathy Sikorski is back this week to talk caregiving, Seniors and Women’s History Month. We’ll also be talking about Cathy’s new book, Who Moved My Teeth, which is launching on Sunday. I’ll be there and I’d love to meet you there.

Here are the details:

  • Who Moved My Teeth?: Preparing for Self, Loved Ones & Caregiving
  • WHEN: Sunday, March 12th from 2 PM to 4PM
  • WHERE: Narberth Bookshop, 221 Haverford Avenue. Narberth, PA  19072

Here are two sites that posted pictures from International Women’s Day strike: PBS and CNN

If you want to read more about Maggie Kuhn, check out her out: Women’s Hall of Fame

Today’s quote is from Maggie Kuhn, who said:

Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind
– even if your voice shakes.
When you least expect it,
someone may actually listen to what you have to say.

Annmarie is “live” every Friday, from 3-4pm EST.
Call-in: 610-701-9243

You won’t want to miss Happy Hour with Annmarie Kelly …and you don’t have to!

  • In West Chester PA: turn your radio dial to 1520AM
  • Anywhere in the world: listen online from at www.WCHE1520.com (click the microphone that says “listen live” – uses Windows Media Player).
  • On your mobile devices at Tune-In Radio.Call-in: 610-701-9243

Not sure when Annmarie is on in your time zone? Find out here: Time Zone Converter