Do-Over Tip #5: Get Advice

When Starting Over, Get Advice…From Veterans

midlife women helping women

When you’re starting over, getting advice is just like when you were pregnant the first time, everyone has advice for you – even people who never had children. Some of the advice is based in good sense but much of it is opinion-based.

Here’s the thing about opinions: they are the cheapest commodities in the world. You don’t need anything to have an opinion except how you feel at any given moment. Opinions don’t have to backed up with fact. Everyone can have an opinion – and they do!

So, in your do-over, getting advice is good, maybe even critically important.

Know whose opinions you should ignore when starting over after 40

Here’s whose advice you can ignore:

  • The family member or “friend” who has a lot to say but who doesn’t really support you
  • Someone who knew someone who did it (third party hearsay)
  • Someone who read about “this kind of thing” in a magazine
  • Websites with private chats

Tips for spotting good advice about starting over

Here’s who is more likely to help you:

  • The woman (and sometimes the man) who has done it successfully. Lots of people will say, “Here’s what I did and it wasn’t a good idea; if I was going to do it over, I’d do this…” Ignore them. Find the person who has been there, lived through the trials and tribulations, and came out better on the other side.
    • That’s something I looked for when I interviewed women for my first book, Victorious Woman. Lots of women had great stories and I talked to them. However, I chose women who had great stories and who demonstrated that what they did took them to a higher and better place in life. They are the ones who already practiced what they are preaching to you.
  • A family member or friend who has a track record for having your best interests at heart and who has more than an opinion. You want someone who can back up what they say with fact and experience.
  • A professional: a counselor, priest, minister, etc. But, while these professionals are worthy sounding boards, when it comes to advice, the same rules apply: they have to know what they’re telling you from their own experience.
    • Did you ever wonder why a woman, man or couple would go to a Catholic priest for marital advice?

Once you get their advice, follow Do-Over Tip#6…

Did you like this tip? Then you’ll LOVE Victory By Design!

Step-by-Step instructions for you empty nesters and midlife women who are ready for a change to something better – to a life you love living. Victory by Design gets you out of your boring comfort zone and skyrockets you though your personal glass ceiling so you can experience the personal power that is that greater, even more fabulous expression of the real you.
This guide that will help you examine your life, figure out what you want to focus on and then make a plan to achieve your dreams!

checkmark-green1Easy step-by-step instructions to start changing your life RIGHT NOW!
checkmark-green1Real life examples provide inspiration and motivation!
checkmark-green1Inspiration to help you push through the tough days

Plus There is space to write your answers as you read!

Victory by Design will help you BE MORE of who you really are, DO MORE that satisfies your soul and HAVE MORE of the life of your dreams!

Do-Over#4: Self-Care Planning

Woman Receiving MassageSelf-Care Makes a Difference

Do-overs demand work, time and energy. Make sure you get a self-care plan in place. You must make time to take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. If you don’t, you’ll burnout before you victory yourself to success. Try these tips:

Self care Tip #1: BREATH

  • Breathe. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? However, the realities is that, in the midst of do-overs, chances are you are breathing swallow breaths, maybe even hyperventilating. So, three times a day, take one minute (or 3-4-5 minutes) to breathe deeply. Belly-breathing is your best bet.

Self care Tip #2: Exercise

  • Exercise. Do something that gets yours heart pumping and do it at least thirty minutes, three times a week. You don’t have to join a gym. You can walk or jog around the block, dance (in a class or just around your living room), workout with an exercise CD, play tennis or racquetball

Self care Tip #3: Massage

  • Get a Massage. There is a lot of research about the health benefits of massage. In addition, according to the Mayo Clinic, “some people enjoy massage because it often involves caring, comfort, a sense of empowerment.” Yes…that’s the ticket!

Self care Tip #4: Walk

  • Walk. Get up and walk around – even if it’s just walking around the dining room table two times on your way to the bathroom. Even just that small amount of movement helps your brain.

Self care Tip #5: Drink Water

  • Drink water. A glass of water every hour will keep your body and mind refreshed – and it’ll give you a reason to get up and walk around (see the “walk” tip)!

Self care Tip #6: Laugh!

  • Laugh. In the midst of change, it’s really easy to forget some of the basics. Laughter doesn’t just make you feel better. Research shows that laughter has a multitude of benefits, both mental and physical.

Do-Over Tip #1: Have a Big Picture

10.6.2010 021Can You Picture Your Do-Over?

Every time you get the opportunity for a second chance, a do-over, it helps to have a picture of what you want out of it. If you don’t, it’s like going to the bank with a blank check and asking them to cash it. The teller would look at you like you have six heads; s/he wouldn’t be able to do anything with it.  If you really want some money from your bank account, you have to produce a check that’s made out to you for a specific amount.
Cashing a check at the bank is very similar to getting what you want in life. If you don’t tell the universe what you actually want, it can’t give it to you. When you want something more and better than you already have, you must know where you’re going. If you don’t, who knows what zigzag path you’ll take or where you’ll end up. Also, if you don’t have a big picture of what you want, how will you know when you get there?
Here are some ideas for how to get to your own big picture:

  • Think about things that make you feel happy – what do they have in common?
  • Think about what you don’t like now – what would be the opposite?
  • Picture yourself living your best life…
    • what are you doing?
    • how do you look?
    • how do you feel?
    • who are you with?
    • where do you live?
    • what does your neighborhood look like?
    • where are you working?
    • what’s you office look like?
    • how are you getting to work?
    • what kind of car do you drive?

Don’t be concerned if you don’t know the answers off the top of your head. Brainstorm your ideas on paper, jot down some key words, tell yourself a “story” about your new life. Don’t edit…just go with it.
Then, cut out pictures and make a Vision Board. It doesn’t matter if what you’re dreaming seems impossible. Your picture will go through some refinements, but trust yourself. Eventually you’ll whittle it down to exactly what you want.
What’s most important is that you’re giving yourself the gift of a successful second chance. BRAVA!!
BTW: Have you ever thought about whether you live your life by default (go with the flow and whatever happens you deal with it) or by design (you choose what you want to and go after it)? Most people live by default. That’s why I wrote Victory by Design. It’s a 7-step starter program that helps you explore your values, vision, and strategies for getting what you want in your life. You can download it now at the Victorious Woman Project’s store: Victory by Design

Are You Sabotaging Your New Year's Resolutions?

Sleeping NewbornHow to make This Year

This Year is in its infancy. And, just like a new baby, you have the world in front of you. And, with the childlike belief of a little one, you know that nothing’s going to stop you from creating the success you want. And that’s a great thing. According to the University of Scranton Journal of Clinical Psychology, people who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions.
So if you’ve gotten to the resolution phase, CONGRATULATIONS!

However, the same research indicated that, of the 45% of people who actually take the time to make resolutions, only 49% of them succeed.

That’s why the local gym is so packed in January that you have to wait and wait to use the equipment. At places like Weight Watchers, the check-in line is 20 people deep and the classes are packed. Regular exercisers and serious dieters know that they only have to wait until mid-February and then things will calm down.


Why, when you want a better and more satisfying or loving relationship, or a job that pays you more or that you enjoy doing, or you want to start a business or get a promotion, or (OK, I’ll include it) you want to drop ten or fifteen pounds, do you work at it for a couple weeks and then forget it?

Here’s the biggest secret: Your life is dependent on your habits.

You got where you are as a result of habits. When you set a new goal, some of your current habits hold you back. They don’t even have to be “bad” habits, and maybe at another time, this habit or that one was even good for you. But now it’s just outlived its purpose. Because we’re so entrenched in our patterns and habits, even when we really want something better, changing old habits is a challenge. When challenged, we are more likely to retreat into our comfort zones.
That’s why I created the Victorious Woman Project – to help you start talking about those challenges and to help you overcome them!

So get ready – this is going to be YOUR YEAR for VICTORY! Here’s how to do it:

1. Join the Victorious Woman Mailing List

You’ll get Victory Tips and Exclusive coupons right to your inbox!



2. Join the Private Facebook Group: Victory Chicks
Besides being a great place to field questions and discuss issues with supportive, like-minded women, I post coupons for my upcoming workshops!

3. Join the Savvy Sizzle Master Class! 

Get your goals – and your life – on track so you can BE MORE of who you really are, DO MORE that makes you happy and fulfilled, and HAVE MORE of the life you’ll love living EVERY DAY. That’s exactly what you’re going to do once you dive into in this training.

4. Get a copy of the Victorious Woman Book or the Victory By Design e-book!

How can you possibly fail with all that support???? You won’t!

Have a healthy, fabulous and abundantly prosperous New Year!!
In victory,

Last Chance to see Kelly speak at Great Dames on April 22

Annmarie Kelly Speaks At Great Dames Event“Savvy Sizzle: Designing the Life of Your Dreams”

Is your life SAVVY or sappy?
Does your life SIZZLE with Satisfaction or feel like it’s wilting away, day by day?
Author and Victory Coach Annmarie Kelly will show you:

  • The four MUST-KNOW lifestyles that either support or sabotage your success.
  • Six MUST-HAVE victory skills
  • The power your values have to make your life either savvy or sappy
  • How to take your first POWER STEPS toward your next victory

at “The Great Dames Delaware Series” on April 22, 2013.
Event Flier | Event Registration
$35 or $60 for the pair of remaining events
5:30 to 7:00pm
Pizza By Elizabeths
Location: 3801 Kennett, Pike, Greenville
Register Today!

Annmarie speaks to Wilmington Women in Business on March 21

Flipping the Switch: From Pressure to Power
Change and stress are inevitable any time and anywhere. But in today’s economy, you have to do business with less and still juggle your personal responsibilities. The combination seems like a never-ending challenge that can wreak havoc on your health, work & relationships. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Once you understand where your control lies in any situation, you can put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your life. You won’t eliminate stress but you can reduce it significantly, no matter what is happening around you.
Hear Annmarie at this great venue and be inspired to reach your next VICTORY!
Date: March 21st, 2013
Location: University & Whist Club, Wilmington, DE
Time: 5:30pm – 7:30pm
Cost: Member Rate: $35.00, Guest Rate: $45.00
Register now!

Staying Under the Radar?

When a woman complains to me about not getting a promotion or recognition for some accomplishment, I ask her how she promotes herself. In most cases, she hasn’t.
So I ask some questions and often find that those women like to stay “under the radar” at work and even socially. When I ask what that means, according to one woman it’s “working without interference or hassles from other people.” Another said she does her job and “doesn’t get noticed for any particular reason, good or bad.” She likes that she can take a few extra minutes at lunch or make non-work-related calls and either nobody notices or nobody cares. Still another described her annoyance with others who talk about every little accomplishment all the time. “I don’t have to shout it out from the top of a mountain,” she explained, “I do my job and do it well, and people should notice without me having to get in their face about it.”
Some women even believe they have more power and influence being the “pebble in the shoe” – they effect change without making noticeable noise. That reminds me of Franny and Nancy. Nancy was the person who stayed under the radar. She was very opinionated, had a certain way of doing things and didn’t like change. Franny was her best friend at work, and her mouthpiece. Nancy was an instigator whose main objective was maintaining the status quo,  She seldom spoke up or expressed her opinions. Instead, she’d have lunch with Franny and get her all riled up. Then Franny would speak out with an often unpopular opinion or off-the-wall idea. Within the group, Franny would argue a point of view while Nancy would quietly stand by, usually saying nothing. Franny seemed like the renegade who always made problems. Nancy got credit for being a deep thinker. Nancy was the influencer but her circle of influence was small…it was only Franny. Could Nancy have been a greater force for good change if she influenced openly?
If you want to live under the radar, it’s your choice. But is that making you happy?
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s hard to pay attention to anyone – sometimes even your kids – unless they make a little noise. The old adage stands: the squeaky wheel gets the grease. You don’t have to be obnoxious about it, but you do have to get in the game.
Poke you head up and give it a go. Yes, above the radar will feel uncomfortable at first. Others might be shocked. But if you have something to say, they might also appreciate it. More importantly, they will see something in you that they hadn’t seen before – something that might be just the quality that is needed for that other job – the one with more money and more power. Expect the missteps but victory up and keep going. You never know whose life might change for the better because you do!

Are You an Influencer?

Women’s History Month is the perfect time to focus on INFLUENCE, the March Victorious Woman theme. Women who make history often do so because they are influencing experts. They know how to create influence for themselves and they know how to influence other people and events.
Yet many women push influence away. If you think you might be one of them, ask yourself why. The answer could make the difference between merely surviving from day-to-day and advancing your life and career into the one your really want, that makes you really happy.
You are likely pushing influence away if you:

  • Don’t like attracting attention; it’s safer to fly under the radar
  • Speak up, or speak up too often, others might think you are acting like a Power Bxxxx
  • Don’t like rocking the boat, you would rather keep the peace
  • Think you have more influence being in the background and letting someone else be the “spokesperson”
  • Want a seat at the table but don’t think you are good enough. After all, you’ve been working hard so, if you were good enough, someone would have noticed.
  • See yourself as a small fish in a big pond

We’ll be looking at some of these over the next month. If you have questions, send them to me and I’ll explore them here or in Kelly’s Café.

On Strong Shoulders

Danica Patrick’s Big Win

Danica Patrick’s eighth place finish in the Daytona 500 last Sunday was the best female finish in history and the second-best female finish in NASCAR history. Her feat was surpassed only by Janet Guthrie’s sixth-place finish at the Volunteer 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway in 1977. Patrick’s latest success came on the heels of an earlier victory: first woman to win the pole position for the race.
The Daytona 500 is the first big race of the motor racing season and, according to many, the most prestigious. Yet it’s just the beginning. There are over thirty more races coming up in 2013. Danica Patrick has plenty more opportunities for success this year. In fact, in a recent interview, Dale Earnhardt Jr., who placed 2nd at Daytona, said about Patrick, “She’s going to make a lot of history all year long.”
At the same time, CrossFit trainer Christmas Abbott was signed as the only female full-time pit crew member. The thirty-something Abbott has quite a history that includes working in Iraq and owning her own business. But her dream job, the one for which she done her most recent training, has been being part of the NASCAR pit crew.
Except for all the attention to their “firsts”, Patrick and Abbott, are treated like “just one of the boys” without much attention to gender. In 2013, women are easily accepted and respected in racing. NASCAR has come a long, long way.
That wasn’t the case with Janet Guthrie, one of the NASCAR women who paved the way for Danica Patrick. In the 1970’s, Guthrie, a 2006 Victorious Woman Honoree, was ridiculed for wanting to race in the all-male sport. Guthrie detailed her fascinating journey in her 2005 book, A Life at Full Throttle. Read her story (NASCAR’sVictoriousWoman).
Also one of the early women of NASCAR was Kay Presto. Kay was the first female NASCAR writer. With the grace and persistence of another generation, Kay opened doors so that, over time, someone like Christmas Abbott could be seriously considered as part of a pit crew. Read Kay’s story: Kay Presto
As the calendar points to March and Women’s Heritage Month, it’s good to remember the very tough and wonderful women who paved the way for other women, and on whose strong shoulders Danica Patrick and Christmas Abbott can stand…victoriously!

© 2013 Annmarie Kelly. All rights reserved.

What Do You Want Now?

OK, you decided to have Thanksgiving dinner. Now decide what you want to have. Most people have turkey, but not everyone does. Some people have ham or a vegetarian dish. Then you figure out the side dishes, the appetizers, the desserts and the drinks. And, so you don’t forget anything, you write everything down.
It’s the same thing with leadership: what do you want?  Not every woman wants to get married and be a stay-at-home mom, and not every woman wants a career. Do you want to start a small business? Do you want to be a millionaire? Do you want to visit every one of the fifty U.S. states? Do you want to see each of the seven wonders of the world?
Not sure? Take a pad of paper and start writing. Ask yourself, “What do I want? Or, better yet, give yourself an open-ended statement (“I want…”, “The thing that would make me happy is…”, “My fulfillment and let your unconscious mind speak to you. Keep the pad of paper with you for about a week. Add to your list each time you get an idea – no matter how boring or crazy or impossible your conscious mind may think it is.
Once you have filled your list and feel there’s nothing more, then put your list in order. Make three columns: “Definitely Want”, “Probably Want”, Would be Nice To Have”. Next, number the items in each column starting with “most wanted” (# 1).
Pick one or two and create your goal.